Page 15 of Lust For

I laugh. “No, we didn’t win. We actually came in third, I think. But it didn’t matter. We all worked together, laughing, and having fun. My dad would chase us around and spray us with water. My mom made us snacks and helped where she could. She wasn’t the best with building castles out of sand, but neither were me or Aiden. That’s probably why we lost.”

“Sounds like a great day,” Derek replies.

“It was.” The lump in my throat grows until a fresh sob breaks free, and I let go for the first time since I arrived at the house.

Derek moves swiftly, holding me close. I fall apart in Derek’s arms. He does his best to soothe me, rocking me back and forth.

“It’s okay, Audrey. It’s okay. I’m here. And somehow—I don’t know how—but it’s going to be okay. I’m here.” He keeps repeating that he’s here, and I cling to those words like a beacon in the night. They’re enough for me.

I’m not sure at what point I stop crying, but he’s still sitting here with me on the floor, arms wrapped around me. I pull back slightly. “Thank you, Derek.”

“You’re welcome. If I could, I’d do anything to take this pain away from you.”

I shrug. “It’s your pain too. He loves you too.”

“That he does.” He smiles at me and pushes a stray hair from my face. “I haven’t been much help lately, so let me do this for you. Let me pack up this closet. You go sit and relax for a bit. I can take care of this one for you.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, standing up on shaky legs.

“Look, I’m not going to tell you that he’s going to be okay from all this, because we don’t know. But just know that you don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way. That much I can promise you.”

I offer him a weak smile. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

I move and stretch my sore muscles, then head into my room and close the door. Placing my body against it, I listen to the sounds of Derek packing the box for the next several minutes.

Then his cell phone rings in the quiet of the house. I hear him move down the hallway and enter Aiden’s room. I freeze and move myself off my bed and over to the wall where our rooms are connected. I wonder if he’ll head out for the night again. It’s early for that, but who knows; maybe he has further to travel tonight. It’s only been a few days of him being here, but I’d love to know where he goes and what he does. Part of me thinks that’s stupid because I might not want the answer. My heart might not be able to take it—the same way it ripped in two when I found out he might be an item with Serena. His denial of it, though, sewed it back up and made me whole again. I’m not sure how much more ripping my heart can take when it comes to Derek. Maybe it’s time to let childhood crushes die. He might never want me as much as I want him.

I can just barely hear him greet someone on the phone through the wall. From what I can hear from his side of the call, it doesn’t take me long to figure out he’s talking to the guys.

“I’m working on it, okay?” he says.

The tone of his voice has an edge to it, and he’s rapping his knuckles on every surface in the room, I think. He’s unsettled. I hear the creak of the floorboards and wonder if he’s pacing. I can almost picture him running a hand through his hair.

“I’ve tried that. It’s not working.” He chuckles before adding, “I’m not like you, Ace. I can’t just find some random person and hook up with her right now.”

I smile at the start of his sentence, but by the end, I’m cringing. Right now? So previously he could? And apparently my brother can do that now. That’s a disturbing thing to learn about your twin brother. I sink onto my bed and go back to listening. He’s saying something about Serena. Of course, that would be the reason that hooking up with random girls would be the problem. If anyone ever found out, saw them, or took pictures, it would be a media shitstorm.

I’ve noticed there has been some speculation on gossip news sites and the Reddit feeds about where Derek is. Serena has been out doing her thing, promoting her new album. Everyone keeps assuming that Crave will be a surprise guest at one of her shows to sing the duet. I’ve wanted to ask him more about her, but she’s been a touchy subject for him. I can’t say that I blame him. And I can’t explain the relief I felt when I found out that it was all a hoax.

I’ve texted Emma a few times about Derek being here. She knows all about my little crush on him, but she figured that out long ago. Apparently, I’m about as subtle as a gun when I like someone. But he has never picked up on it, oddly enough. Or maybe he has, and he just doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe he’s being a gentleman and not embarrassing me. Emma keeps reminding me that he’s with Serena and I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. I know that. The thing with Serena may not be true, but there’s no way someone like Derek would want to be with me. He could have anyone he wanted. And the thing is, even presented with the chance, I’m not sure the person he wants is me.

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say!” Derek yells. “We’re going to go back to LA for The Late Show. I’ve already promised that and I’m not backing out. Right now, I just need to write a song and we need to make it bigger than that fucking song, so I don’t have to do this anymore.”

There’s silence in the room, where the guys must be talking to him now.

“She calls all the time. I barely ever pick up, though. The last time I did, she told me how people are screaming at her shows for her to play the damn song.”

He sounds defeated. The guys must be pushing him to take part in the media circus surrounding Serena and his supposed relationship.

“Does she have a show near where I’m at now?”

I cringe at the idea of the two of them together. Nothing has happened between us, just a few glances and a brush of the hand or two. But I’ve liked the time we’ve spent together, here in our little beach bubble. He’s still heading out at night, and I’m more of homebody. I don’t like going out into crowded bars or smoke-filled rooms. I fall asleep every night hoping that when I wake, he’ll be home and alone. So far, so good.

“I guess we could arrange something with that. I can call her and talk to her tomorrow. From what I remember, she’s playing right now.”

More silence in the room.