Page 91 of Lust For
“I know it’s not something you want to talk about, but I would like to know. Don’t keep secrets from me.”
He sighs and pushes his chair back from the table. He scrubs his hands down his face, the turmoil shining in his eyes. He’s weighing his options and how he can get out of this, I think. But I won’t back down and I won’t drop it. I’ll just keep bringing it up because I want to know. This isn’t a Derek story I’ve heard before, and it doesn’t sound like my Derek.
“Fine.” His voice sounds thick with defeat. I almost feel bad for pushing him to talk to me. “I was dating this girl I met in LA.”
“How did you meet her?” I know it may hurt to hear, but I want all the details.
“I met her at a bar. I was there scouting some talent, and this guy was hitting on her hard. I saved her. We ended up spending the evening talking. I completely missed the band that was playing.” He smiles at the memory, and it kills me a little bit. “We dated for about two months before I had to go on tour. It was just a short one, but she wasn’t able to get away and come visit me.”
He chugs his water, but it’s not enough. He walks back into the kitchen, which connects to the dining room, and grabs two beers from the fridge and comes back to me. My body tenses, knowing this discussion will require alcohol. I don’t think that’s a good sign.
“I thought we both could use a drink after the long day.”
“Is it that, or will we both need it for this story?” I come right out and ask it because there’s no need to beat around the bush.
“Little of both, maybe.”
“Okay, let’s have it. What happened?”
“I was good for the few weeks on the tour. But one night I got particularly drunk, and I ended up having sex with the one of the bus bunnies that came backstage to see me.” He puts it right out there, and even though I knew that was basically what he would say, it socks me in the chest. “She looked a lot like her, and I guess I was just missing her. I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
“The guys tried to tell me not to. And of course, I knew better, but I didn’t care. Not the in the drunken state that I was in. I fucked her. While I was doing that, Erin, that’s the girl I was seeing, had flown in to surprise me. She walked in on it.”
He hangs his head when he’s finished talking, refusing to look at me, and I’m not sure which I’d prefer. I ask the question that’s nagging my mind. Something I want to know but I’m afraid to hear the answer to. “If she hadn’t walked in on you, would you have told her?”
He considers my question for longer than I’m comfortable with. So, I tell him, “You’re quiet longer than I’d like you to be here, Derek. Just tell me the fucking truth.”
“I think I would have told her. The guilt would have eaten away at me.”
I get up and begin to pace, feeling like I need another nap. This day has been draining and I made it even worse by asking him this question.
“It will be different with you. It’s not like that with you.” He gets up and walks over to me, taking my hands. His eyes are pleading with me to listen to him. “What I felt for her wasn’t even close to what I feel for you. You have to believe me.”
“I do believe you. But the thing that gets me is that you knew it was wrong and you didn’t care. I don’t know. What would stop you if you were on the road and the same situation came up? What if you were drunk?”
“I’ll be good. I’ll be so good to you. Because you’re someone I never thought I deserved, and I will do everything in my power to be the man that you deserve, Audrey. I really will.”
I look at the man that I’ve loved since I was sixteen years old. He’s finally mine and he’s saying all the right things. I can’t walk away. Not from a man that I’ve lusted after for all these years. Not from a man whose touched I’ve craved.
He takes me upstairs and we make love. It’s slow and torturously good. It’s the perfect way to end the day.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Derek has been taking me everywhere with him lately. It’s only been two days since the news broke. Every time he has band practice, I go with him. If he has a quick errand to run, I go with him. But for the most part, we’re huddled up in his apartment.
They’re at practice now, and Aiden breaks away and comes over to talk to me.
“How are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m fine, Aiden. How are you doing with all of this? Are you going to be nice or are you still pouting?”
“Pouting,” he replies. “If those are my only choices, I choose pouting.”
“Aiden,” I say, my tone conveying the warning coming.
“Don’t, Aud. I know what you’re going to say. But you’re my sister. I’ve seen the way he operates. I don’t want you to be caught up with someone like him. I think you deserve better than Derek. So no, I don’t plan on playing nicely with the two of you anytime soon. You know Mom isn’t happy about this either,” he adds, looking over at me, letting it all sink in.
“I have to call her back. I talked to Dad, though, and he wasn’t surprised. He guessed it when he was visiting.”