Page 11 of Love You Still
“As well as can be expected. Connor hasn’t said much since his parents brought him back to the house. Their little girl needs to stay in the hospital under observation for a few days, but she’s going to be okay.”
“A little girl,” I whisper, a fresh round of tears collecting in my eyes. “Lydia would have loved to have a little girl.”
“Yeah.” Leia wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into the house.
We move into the house in silence. The air is thick with sadness and something else I can’t place. Everything looks exactly as it did when we were in high school. Family pictures are hanging on every available wall; the large oversized sectional couch is sitting in the center of the room. Everyone is huddled around Connor; his mom has her arms wrapped around him as she cries silently.
“Hey, Connor. Guess who’s here,” Leia whispers, laying her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. “Selina is home.”
Every nerve ending in my body is on high alert. My breathing is shallow and short as my body inches closer to him. The room becomes eerily quiet as we all brace for Connor’s reaction to me being here. Lydia was my best friend, the sister I never had. Connor doesn’t need to be reminded of what he lost right now.
“I’m sorry,” I say as I struggle to suck in a breath.
My chest tightens as if all the air is being sucked out of the room and someone has wrapped their fingers around my neck. I struggle to take a breath as panic bubbles up from my stomach and settles in my chest. Beads of sweat dot my forehead as my eyes snap shut, my lips moving slightly as I try to find something else to say to my best friend’s love, but I can’t think of a single thing. There are no words that can help soothe the pain of what he’s feeling, what we’re all feeling, at the loss of Lydia in ourlives. I clench my eyes closed tightly as I try to pull in a breath, willing my body to calm down as I wait for Connor to say something, anything. To even acknowledge my presence, but he doesn’t move a muscle. He continues staring off into space as if none of us are in the room.
I need to find Vance.He’s always been the one to keep me grounded, to stop the walls from closing in around me when I start to panic.My eyes snap open and search the room for him, but he’s nowhere to be found.
“Vance went outside to get some fresh air after him and Connor got into it,” Leia whispers, answering my unanswered question before giving my hand a small squeeze and releasing it.
I nod as I turn on my heels and move to the back door, needing to get to him as quickly as possible. I can barely focus on anything but the pain radiating through my chest as I try to focus on the last time Vance and I saw each other. That was one of the happiest and saddest days of my life. I knew I was leaving for New York, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. To let him know I was choosing my dreams over spending the rest of my life stuck in Tyson’s Creek. That I was choosing to remember the good times we had together instead of growing to resent him for not being able to fulfill my dreams.
Now is my chance for a do-over. I can tell him all my regrets from that night. That even though I pushed him away, being here with him is what I really wanted. I can dance anywhere, but I’m only whole when he is standing there beside me.
In and out. In and out.
I gasp for breath, my cheeks and chest feeling like they’re on fire as I allow the air to slowly fill my lungs, easing my panic. I reach for the door handle, ready to pull it open as the tightness in my chest subsides, allowing me to breathe easier. With my heart rate slowing, I pull the door open as I catch sight of Vancestanding near the deck railing. The warm glow of the patio light illuminates his silhouette standing a few feet away from me.
Just as I’m about to open my mouth and call his name, I freeze. My eyes widen in horror as I see a pair of slender arms slide around his neck before planting a small kiss on his cheek and pulling him toward them. Vance goes willingly, his entire body sagging into this person’s embrace. My heart recoils at the idea that Vance is wrapped in the arms of someone else, seeking the comfort that only I used to give him, screaming that there must be an explanation for what I’m seeing right now. But my mind knows what happened. He got tired of waiting for me to come to my senses, to realize that the only thing I’ve ever wanted was to be with him.
Gasping in shock, I stumble backward and pull the door tightly shut behind me. My entire body shakes with sadness as I step back inside, wishing for the ground to open and swallow me whole.
“That was quick,” Leia jokes. “I expected you two to be out there for hours.”
My entire body recoils at her statement, but I stand my ground, not wanting to bring any attention to what I just saw. Out of all the things that I thought could have happened with me coming back to town, this wasn’t one of them. Vance promised to always love me, to be there for me in every way possible, but I guess that was all a lie. I never gave him any inkling that I was having second thoughts about leaving or told him I wanted to come back home and be with him. Instead, I kept all those feelings locked inside, and now it’s too late. He’s moved on like I always hoped he would, but it still hurts.
“Did you know?” I manage to spit out between clenched teeth as I try to get a hold of all the emotions running through my body.
“Know what?”
“Leia, stop playing games. Did you know he was seeing someone?”
“Seeing someone?” Leia’s blue eyes lock with mine, her eyebrows pulling down in confusion, as if she has no idea what I’m talking about. “Selina, I don’t understand what you are talking about.”
“Vance was outside, getting very cozy with a girl I’ve never seen before.”
“Selina, you…” Leia begins, her hands reaching toward me, but I take a step back. Knowing that if she pulls me in for a hug, I’ll break.
“You know what? Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know what he’s been doing and with whom. It’s my fault for leaving without a word. I should’ve broken up with him properly instead of hoping that he’d be waiting for me like he always promised.”
“Selina. I don’t think you understand.”
“I saw them, Leia. It’s over.”
“Seli, it’s not what you think. Just go talk to him.”
“I can’t.” Leia takes a step in my direction, but I raise my hand. “Please, can you just take me home?”
I love him, but I hate him. It’s a tricky situation that even I can’t explain to anyone, especially not now. I want to get out of here, to deal with the loss of my best friend and my greatest love in the safety of my old bedroom, away from prying eyes. I can attend Lydia’s funeral, pay my respects to my friend’s memory, and go back to New York, forgetting about what I had hoped my future would be with Vance and instead, create a new one.