Page 13 of Love You Still
My heart still aches when I think about him. His smile. The way it felt to have his muscular arms wrapped around me. His wavy dark brown hair and soulful brown eyes that pierced my soul whenever he looked at me. He said that my happiness meant more to him than his own life, but that was all a lie. How quickly he forgot all his claims about us being soul mates. I’ve spent years wondering how different things would be if I had stayed. If I had gone to Connor’s graduation party and said yes when he asked me to stay. I wouldn’t have been able to tell him no. All he had to do was flash me a smile, and all my resolve would dissolve.
If I had stayed here, we would have had the life that everyone wanted: a big family, a white picket fence, the whole nine yards. But would that have changed anything? Sure, we’d be together, but I don’t know for sure that I would’ve been happy. I always believed I was destined for something greater than this small town on the Tennessee-Alabama border, and when I was accepted into Juilliard, I knew I had to leave, or I would suffocate.
The one thing I regret about all of this is that I never explained to him what I was feeling. I don’t know if I could have put it into words for anyone, including Vance. Even if I did, would he have understood? He was so focused on making plans for our future here in Tyson’s Creek that I’m not sure he would’ve listened to my concerns.
He’s always been the hopeless romantic type, refusing to believe that there was any other outcome for our relationship but marriage. So, to him, my leaving to go to New York was only a small roadblock on our path to happiness. At the time, I believed that, too, but instead of waiting for me like he promised, he shattered my heart into a million pieces.
Just as I’m about to open my mouth and make an excuse to hightail it out of there, the bell over the door chimes.
“Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn’t Selina Grymes.” Connor’s voice echoes through the studio.
“Shit,” I mutter before spinning around and plastering on a fake smile. “It’s so good to see you, Connor.”
Connor looks exactly like he did when we graduated from high school, just with a little gray sprinkled throughout his hair. He still has that chiseled jaw and arms the size of my head, more than likely from throwing lumber around all day. Being part owner of the local construction company, Connor has his fair share of business.
“We both know you don’t mean that, Seli.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in for a one-armed hug.
I cringe slightly at my old nickname. Ever since I was little, everyone in town has called me Seli. But I’m not that girl anymore.
“No one has called me that in years,” I grumble, stepping out of his embrace.
We stand there awkwardly, sizing each other up. My eyes flick across the room, looking anywhere but at Connor. I’m sure he wants to ask a million questions about where I’ve been or why he hasn’t seen me in fourteen years. My parents and Leia are the only people who know that I saw Vance with someone else that night, and I swore them to secrecy. When I got on the plane that night, I was determined to forget about everyone who lived in Tyson’s Creek besides my parents, but Leia wasn’thaving it. After she saw me here, she made a point of calling and texting me more, even wrapping me into her weekly calls with her roommate and one of her friends. I grumbled about it every time she called, but secretly, I yearned for those phone calls. For a small connection to the last time I felt alive, even though it would have been easier to forget. But here I am, standing in one of my favorite places in town, after buying it from my second mother. Of course, he has questions, but I have no intention of answering any of them.
“Connor already has a list of the repairs I figured you would want to be done before the sale goes through, but if there is anything else you want, just let him know,” Ms. Cassandra chimes in, breaking the silence as she strolls toward the desk and grabs a set of keys. “Here are the keys. Come and go as you please. This place is yours now.”
“But we haven’t finished any of the paperwork yet…” My voice trails off as she scurries out the door.
“Don’t worry about it. We all know you’re good for it. Besides, it’s time for her to pick up her granddaughter, Piper, from preschool,” Connor reassures me as he pulls a piece of paper out of the folder he’s holding. “This is the list of repairs Ms. Cassandra gave me, but if there is anything else you want, let me know.”
He waits patiently while I look over the list.
“Can we refinish the floors? They’re a little worse for the wear,” I ask as I hand the list back to him.
He squats down and runs his hand across the floors before standing to his full height. “I don’t see that being a problem, but you will have to close the studio for a weekend to get them refinished. Everything else on the list, we can get knocked out at the same time.”
We take a few minutes to walk around the studio, and Connor explains to me how they plan to renovate it. The list isn’tlong, but it is going to be a lot of work, although I know Connor will get it all done.
“How’s the little one doing? Jade is her name, right?” I question as we make it back to the front.
“Yeah. Jade is fourteen now. She’s been a student here for the past few years.”
“Connor…” Emotions clog my throat as I think about the day I heard I’d lost my best friend. Although I made a point not to come back to Tyson’s Creek often during my first year in New York, Lydia and I kept in touch. She kept me up to date on everything that was going on in town, including how Vance was doing. When I heard she was pregnant, I was ecstatic for my best friend, promising to be the best aunt ever. Too bad I let my broken heart get in the way of that promise.
“I know. I know.” He gives me a soft smile as he rests his hand on my shoulder. “She’d be so excited to have you home. Jade can’t wait to meet her famous aunt from New York.”
“Aunt?” My voice trails off as the emotions I’ve been struggling to keep in check overtake me. Tears stream down my face as painful sobs wrack my body. Connor doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me, pulling me tightly into his chest.
“You’ve always been a part of our family, Seli. Even with all the miles between us and the years without phone calls and texts, we’ve all been here, cheering for you and waiting for you to find your way home.”
Connor plants a kiss on the top of my head as I continue to release all my pent-up emotions—sadness, regret, and guilt. I’ve kept all these emotions trapped inside me for years. I continue to cry, tightening my hold around Connor as I try to find the words to tell him how much his comment meant to me.
“Thank you,” I croak out as my tears turn into sniffs, and I step out of his arms. “I really needed to hear that.”
Connor smiles at me, his eyes shining with unshed tears. I don’t know what I expected when I saw him for the first time, but this wasn’t it.
“I can’t wait to meet my niece, either.” I sniffle, swiping at the remaining tears on my cheeks and stepping out of his embrace.
“Like I said, the feeling is mutual,” Connor replies as he opens the front door.