Page 27 of Healing the Twin
“Of course,” Fir said. “But sometimes the best way to move forward is to embrace the unknown. It’s in those moments that we find ourselves and discover what we’re capable of. Tiago wants you in his life, I promise. Your bond may change, but he’s not letting go of you.”
Fir’s words resonated with me on a deep level. Or maybe that was the alcohol now flowing liberally through my system. “I’m a little drunk, I think.”
He laughed. “I know. Why do you think I’ve been holding on to your shoulder?”
Oh. “I thought you were trying to comfort me.”
“That and make sure you didn’t stumble and fall.”
“Can’t take the doctor out of you, huh? Not even at a party.”
“It’s the life I chose willingly. Don’t forget I knew exactly what I was getting into, having seen my father do it my whole life. This job comes at a price, and one of them is that I can rarely drink…but I’m okay with that.”
“I think I’ve had enough for both of us.” Shit, I was slurring a little. “Or maybe even for three people.”
“At least you’re not a belligerent drunk.”
I sighed. “No, I get all weepy and sad. I’m a sad drunk, which is sad.”
“That’s a lot of sadness on what’s supposed to be a happy day.”
“Sorry?”
“Let’s get some fresh air.” Fir took my glass from my hand and put it down somewhere.
As I followed him deeper into the orchard, I stumbled but managed to stay on my feet. We found a quiet spot, and I leaned against the trunk of a tree, resting my hands against the rough bark. Fir’s presence beside me was surprisingly comforting. The party continued in the background, but we were so far away it felt like we were in our own little world.
“You must know a thing or two about feeling lost yourself, right? After losing your husband?” I asked after a long pause.
Fir’s eyes clouded, but he didn’t shy away from the conversation. “When Samuel died, I felt like my entire world had crumbled. I was left trying to pick up the pieces while raising our two boys and running the family practice. There were days when I thought I’d never find my footing again.”
“God, Fir, I’m so sorry.” My heart ached for the pain he must have been through. “Did it get easier over the years?”
“It did. But it took time, a lot of soul-searching, and even therapy to help me heal.”
“Therapy, huh?” I let out a small laugh, the idea of seeking professional help foreign to me. “I’ve never considered that.”
“Sometimes we need someone outside ourselves to help us gain perspective. There’s no shame in admitting we can’t do it all alone.”
His words resonated with me, stirring up feelings I’d long buried beneath the surface—needing to be strong enough for both Tiago and me, carrying his burdens as well as mine. I’d never allowed myself to be weak because I couldn’t afford it. “So, what did you get from therapy?”
Fir took his time answering. “That even when life throws us curveballs, we find a way to adapt and grow. We may not have all the answers right away, but we learn to trust ourselves and our instincts. My life now isn’t the one I had hoped and planned, but it’s still a good life. I love my boys so much, and I’m doing the job I’ve always dreamed of. It’s not perfect, but it’s enough.”
“You don’t want to find someone else?”
He sighed. “Of course I would. Samuel told me he wanted me to find happiness again, so it’s not like I feel guilty. But meeting someone isn’t easy when you’re as busy as I am.”
The gentle breeze rustled the leaves as Fir and I stood under the trees, tucked away from the wedding party’s festivities. The dim light from the string lights crisscrossing overhead cast a warm glow on our faces, softening the lines of age and experience that marked us both.
“I don’t even know if I’m relationship material,” I said. “They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and that’s what it feels like to me. Like I’m too old to figure all this out.”
“Tiago seemed to have managed it.”
“I hate it when you’re all logical and reasonable,” I grumbled, and he laughed.
“Oh, sorry, were you hoping for the woe-is-you response?”
“A little sympathy isn’t too much to ask, is it?”