Page 38 of Healing the Twin
“Like what?”
“Your strength, your resilience, your kindness, and your ability to care for others.” I listed them off, happy when a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Those qualities will serve you well no matter what path you choose to follow.”
“Maybe.” He seemed to take some comfort in my words. “But it’s still hard to let go of something that’s been such a big part of my life for so long.”
“I understand.” I did. All I had to do to empathize was think back to when I lost Samuel and how difficult it was to move forward without him. “But sometimes life has a way of pushing us in new directions, leading us to experiences and people we never even knew we needed.”
“Is that what happened to you?” Tomás asked.
My cheeks warmed under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m grateful for the people who’ve come into my life since then, and that includes you.”
Hopefully, he wouldn’t think that too cheesy, but judging by the surprise on his face, he didn’t. “Thank you for saying that. I admire your strength.”
“Being a single dad is tough,” I said. “I never thought I’d be raising Gabe and Josiah alone.”
Tomás’s eyes softened with understanding. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. You’re doing an amazing job, though. They’re great kids, from what I can tell.”
“Thank you.” My heart swelled with pride for my sons. “But it’s the loneliness that gets to me sometimes. Samuel and I were a team. We did everything together. Now it all comes down to me as I try to balance work and parenting.”
“Have you ever considered dating again?”
Of course he’d ask. “I set up a profile on a dating site recently.”
“Really? How’s that going?”
I shrugged, the uncertainty creeping in. Had I done the right thing? I still wasn’t sure. “It’s okay, I guess. I’ve had two responses, but I haven’t connected with either of those guys. It’s hard to know if someone understands what it’s like to lose a partner and be left raising kids alone.”
His eyebrows knit together. “You deserve so much better than some random guy on an online dating site. You’re an amazing person and a wonderful father. There has to be someone who can see that and appreciate you for who you are. Online dating doesn’t seem like your thing. You deserve someone who understands and respects you and fits into your life.”
I smiled. He was so sweet to look out for me and show some concern. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. But what about you? Are you interested in dating?”
His gaze flickered away from mine as he seemed to contemplate his answer. Had I crossed a line by asking him such a personal question?
“I’ve never wanted something more serious than a fling or a casual hookup. My life has always been about my career and taking care of Tiago. Relationships were never my priority—just the occasional fling or casual hookup.” Tomás looked down at his hands resting on his lap. “But lately I’ve been feeling… I don’t know, like maybe it’s time for a change. Time to find something more meaningful.” He shrugged. “One of the many existential questions I’m pondering.”
I cleared my throat. “If you’re serious about finding someone, you should have no issues. I mean, you’re Tomás Banner, for fuck’s sake. There will be a long line of men all too happy to be with you.”
“But would they be with me because I’m Tomás Banner or because they like me for who I am? How will I ever be able to trust they’re with me for the right reasons?”
Shame filled me. I’d never even considered that angle, and I should have. It was impossible for me to put myself in his shoes, but I should’ve known things weren’t as easy for him as they appeared from the outside. Just like he had no idea what it was like to be a single dad, I had no clue about his life and the challenges he faced.
“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. I didn’t take into account that being famous comes with its challenges.”
“Being famous and rich.” He sighed. “I don’t like to talk about money. Not because I’m ashamed of being rich. Why would I be? I made that money honestly. But because it changes everything. Once people know you have this much money, their whole attitude becomes different. I can never trust people to like me for who I am, you know?”
“No, I don’t know…because I’ve never been in that position, which is why I shouldn’t have made assumptions.”
He sent me a soft smile. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone as sensitive as you, Fir. In a good way. You truly care about other people’s feelings, and that’s refreshing.”
My first instinct was to brush it off, but I caught myself. “Thank you,” I said instead, feeling stupidly proud when he smiled at me.
“Much better.”
The last of the sunlight illuminated the room, casting long shadows on the hardwood floor. Everyone else had left, and it was just us now. As we stood there, the comfortable silence between us was broken only by the distant chirp of birds singing outside the window.
Two men, both looking for something more. What were the odds that we would find it with each other? Low to zero would be my guess. Tomás wasn’t interested in someone like me. He wanted someone who appreciated a similar lifestyle as the one he was accustomed to, and that wasn’t me.
He was a man of the world, a jet-setter who lived the life of the rich and famous. I was a small-town doctor, a single dad with two kids and roots in Forestville as deep as those of an oak. No, we wouldn’t stand a chance in the long term. But for now? Maybe for now, I could be what he needed…and he certainly was what I craved. And when it ended, as it inevitably would, I’d deal with that like I had with everything else. One day at a time.