Page 9 of Healing the Twin
But I had to tread carefully. Under no circumstances could I allow that old crush to resurface. This was sex and nothing else. No emotional attachments, no feelings, no silly infatuation. Just sex. And I wouldn’t let Tomás intimidate me or make me feel less than worthy. This hookup would be on my terms, and I’d protect my heart at all costs.
4
TOMÁS
As a kid, I hated rainy Saturdays. They’d been the worst thing ever, and I had to conclude that, as an adult, I felt the same way. Forestville offered little entertainment to begin with, but if the weather didn’t cooperate, staying inside was the only option. By the time I could leave for my hookup with Fir, I was stir-crazy.
Tiago and Cas had plans of their own. The eager grins on their faces as I left were a dead giveaway, but I didn’t blame them. I was cramping their style for sure. My presence wouldn’t bother Tiago much, even when he had sex. It had been a constant in his life after all, but Cas undoubtedly felt differently. Well, we’d all get lucky tonight, so win-win, right?
Endless drizzle dripped from the packed gray clouds, and I shivered as I hurried from my car to Fir’s front door. His house was a charming two-story nestled on a cul-de-sac, a little set back and offering plenty of privacy. Not that my car would go unnoticed in his driveway, but that was his problem, not mine.
Before I could ring the bell, the door opened. “Hi,” Fir said.
“Hi.”
“Come on in.”
He was dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans, more casual than I had ever seen him, and the green of his shirt matched his eyes. He was cute in an unassuming way, especially with his glasses, which usually stood a tad crooked on his nose.
The atmosphere inside was cozy and inviting, with soft lighting and the faint scent of food. Maybe something he’d cooked? Family photos adorned the hallway wall, depicting Fir and Samuel in various stages of their life, as well as their kids. Inexplicably drawn, I stepped closer to study one.
Fir cleared his throat. “That was at our engagement party.”
“When did you guys start dating?”
“My first year of med school. We reconnected when I was home on Christmas break, and sparks flew.” His eyes softened. “Ours was more of a love at second sight. We’d always known each other, but I wasn’t out in high school. When I was back again, I was, and we hit it off. We got engaged two years later and married during my residency at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital in Seattle. I was lucky to get a spot so close to home.”
Samuel hadn’t changed much. Older, of course, but he had that same cheeky grin he’d always sported back in high school. “Did his father change his tune? I know Reverend Thompson blew a gasket after Coach Keeling discovered Samuel and me.”
“He did.” Fir let out a sigh. “When we started dating, Samuel introduced me to his parents, preparing me for the worst. They weren’t welcoming, but his mom showed signs of thawing. Two years later, one of Samuel’s cousins committed suicide after coming out as gay and being ostracized by his parents. That came as a huge blow to Samuel’s parents, who seemed to realize they could lose their son too if they continued on that path. His father first took a leave of absence, then resigned from his church after doing a year-long Bible study into homosexuality. He completely changed his opinions after that and started a support group for Christian parents with LGBT+ kids that has grown into a whole movement. And after Samuel died, they’ve been nothing but supportive of me, and they’re still close to Gabe and Josiah, even though they moved to Oregon.”
Wow, I hadn’t expected that. “I’m so glad to hear that. For all of you. When Tiago and I came out, my parents were loving and accepting, and I’ve always felt heartbroken for the kids whose parents rejected them.”
“We’re the lucky ones. My parents are the same, and they’ve been my rock for the last few years. I couldn’t do what I do without them.”
“That’s wonderful.”
We stared at each other, and then Fir cleared his throat. “Can I get you something to drink? Wine, beer, soda, water?”
“Wine, please. Thank you.”
I followed him into the living room, which was homey, showing clear signs of the presence of teenagers. A backpack lay in a corner, a pair of well-worn Chucks in another.
“Here you go,” Fir handed me a glass of wine, and we both took sips, our eyes darting around the room to avoid meeting each other’s gaze. Awkwardness hung between us like fog, as if we’d grown out of topics to discuss.
“Nice place you’ve got here,” I said. “It feels very…homey.”
“Thanks, it’s been a labor of love.” A hint of sadness clouded Fir’s eyes. No doubt he was thinking about the life he had shared with Samuel before he passed away.
How did we move from this to what I’d come here for? Usually, I had no trouble navigating hookups, but this one felt different in every single way. I’d never hooked up with guys I knew well. Most of them had either been random men I’d met or casual acquaintances, and Fir was neither. We might not have been friends, but I’d known him since kindergarten, and his history and the loss he’d suffered made everything so much more complicated.
Fir seemed to feel the same, his posture stiff. We stood in the middle of the room like statues frozen in time. I downed the rest of my wine to chase away my doubts about this encounter and took a deep breath. “Where do you want to do this?”
Fir’s shoulders relaxed. “We can start here and move to the bedroom later if we want. I changed the sheets and all.”
Okay, that was sweet of him. Not necessary, since I didn’t require an actual bed to fuck, let alone a clean one, but I appreciated the gesture. “Okay.”
I put my empty glass on the coffee table, and he mirrored my move. Kissing. That was where we should start. Once things got more familiar, I’d be able to shake off this sense of awkwardness and nervous energy. “Can I kiss you?”