Page 59 of Twilight Tears
Yakov brushes my hair off of my forehead. "I want to do everything with you, solnyshka."
26
YAKOV
Luna is asleep when I find her. I'm not surprised. She spent most of last night in and out of nightmares. For some reason, she sleeps easier during the day.
I almost don't want to wake her.
Then again, the sight of her spread across our bed makes me want to wake her up even more. I want her to see what is coming next.
When she asked me what our future held last night, it hit me like a fucking truck. I realized immediately that I didn't want a future without her in it. She’s the mother of my children and the only woman I’ve ever had this kind of bone-deep connection to. There is no version of reality where she and I don't end up together.
So I proposed. Sort of.
I plan to do a better job of it the second time around.
“Luna.” I squeeze her shoulder. “Wake up.”
She blinks up at me, her blue eyes bleary. "Hmpf? Yak… Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. But you need to wake up and get dressed.”
“Where are we going?” She yawns. “I was sleeping.”
“It’s a surprise.”
Instantly, her eyes snap open and her mouth curves into a shy smile. “What kind of surprise?”
“The kind that you’ll have to wait and see.”
She rises onto her knees, moving more gingerly than normal with her growing bump. “Are we going out? Should I bring a jacket? Or a purse? Oh my God,” she groans. “Clothes. Do I have to wear real clothes? The only things that fit me right now have elastic waistbands. Will I need to dress up?”
“Whatever you want to wear is fine.”
She takes in my charcoal suit slacks and knit cream-colored polo. “Of course you look amazing. How am I going to compete with that? I don’t even know where we’re going. Just give me a hint so I can?—”
I press a finger to her lips. “Put on a dress, Luna. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
She exhales, her breath warm against my skin. Then she kisses my finger and spins for the closet.
She kissed my finger. It’s not like she dropped to her knees and unzipped my pants. And yet, the night hasn’t even started and I’m already hard as a rock.
Just another sign I’m doing the right thing. No one has ever gotten to me the way this woman does.
The only reason I even kind of want to pump the brakes is Nikandr. Lying next to Luna last night with this plan coming together in my mind, I told myself that if it was the right time, Nik would wake up.
It was stupid—I know better than most that life isn’t some fucking fairytale. Still, I thought that there would be some sign that this is what I should do. After all, Nik should be here for these kinds of moments. My life is moving forward and my brother is supposed to be here to witness it; he’s supposed to have a life of his own.
But his doctor called this morning and gave me the same news I’ve been getting every day for weeks.
No change.
I’ve come to expect it. Each time my phone rings, I brace myself for the worst. No change is better than the worst. That doesn’t make the words hurt any less.
I lean against the banister at the base of the stairs and drag a hand through my hair. I can’t live my life based on signs from the universe or fucking vibes. I’m in charge of my own destiny and I want Luna standing next to me, regardless of what else is happening around us.
As the thought enters my head, there’s movement at the top of the stairs.