Page 15 of Filthy Secret
RYAN
Something ugly slides through me. It settles in my gut and curls into a ball there. Sitting there, making a home there. I jolt awake and can feel my heart pounding against my chest, but there isn’t any beeping, and nobody appears to sedate me.
I moan as my head lolls to the side, where I crack my swollen eyes open slightly and see him sitting on the sofa across from me. I thought that maybe I had dreamed him, that he was some kind of manifestation, but he wasn’t.
He’s here.
Atomic is here.
“You need some pain meds?” he asks, his voice low and gruff.
There’s an edgy gravel to it that I don’t quite understand yet. When I realize that I don’t see Adam and Rose anywhere, I try to ask him where they are, but as if he can either understand me or read my mind, he answers my question.
“I sent Rose and Adam home. Walked them out to the car and had a brother ride up from Pineville so he can guard them while they’re there.”
“Why?” I ask though I’m not sure he can understand my words. I still feel as if my tongue is heavy as I attempt to speak.
It feels like there is a wad of cotton in my mouth preventing me from saying anything at all. My head also feels heavy and just all-around foggy. I don’t want any more drugs, though. I don’t need to sleep anymore. I need answers.
I can’t remember anything that happened past Golden Joker bursting into my living room. I don’t even know how long ago it was. A day, two, a week? I have no idea. Atomic stays on the sofa, his gaze on mine as he searches my eyes.
“Atomic,” I whisper.
He clears his throat.
“I’m confused,” I exhale.
Atomic’s brow arches and his gaze searches mine. “Are you?” he asks.
Then I watch as he stands, straightening, arching his back, and I hear it make a few popping noises before he moves toward me. He stops beside my bed, but he doesn’t sit. Instead, he looks down at me, his gaze searching my own.
“You had me as an emergency contact. They called me. I came.”
When I filled out those papers, I had just had his baby. I was worried that my sister would try to take Adam for whatever reason if something happened to me, and I knew that she would ruin his life. Atomic would at least ensure that he was taken care of, that he had family, and that he would never want for anything.
But I’d forgotten that I had him on my file with the hospital, and now he’s looking at me like I need to explain things.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Not thanks,” he grunts. “I’m assuming that fuck you were worried about came after you?”
I wish I could nod my head without my whole body hurting because I really don’t want to answer him. “Yes,” I whisper. “He did.”
“Yeah,” he snorts. “I met his fucking ass in the parking lot.”
If Atomic were a different man and this situation wasn’t what it is, he would probably apologize for not protecting me, but that’s not who he is. I doubt the words I’m sorry are even part of his vocabulary.
“I didn’t mean for you to be called. I’m sorry they did that. Thank you for coming, but you can leave now.”
My words aren’t meant to be mean or short, but he obviously came all this way for nothing because he didn’t want to be part of this when I asked, so I doubt he does now. But then something happens that I don’t expect.
Atomic sinks down, sitting on the side of my bed. He extends his arm, wrapping his fingers around the side of my neck, holding me there ever so gently as his eyes search my own. His beard is short and dark, a far cry from the man I dated six years ago who only had rough stubble. But I love it. He looks great, although he’s always looked great.
“You think I’m leaving you and a kid here alone with that fucking piece of shit who’s after you to sell your ass to pay off your sister’s debt? Well then, you’ve got another fucking thing coming.”
“It’s not your issue. You already said you couldn’t help me. I understand that I’m on my own.”
There is a moment of silence, then he slips his hand from my neck, sliding it down my throat, and stops at the center of my chest. Thankfully, although I’m bruised almost everywhere, I’m not there.