Page 19 of Filthy Secret

Never again.

RYAN

Rose is watching me as I hang the phone back up on the bedside table. Her eyes are searching, and I don’t know what the fuck she’s looking for, but she dips her chin in a single nod when she’s done. Whatever she was looking for, she’s found it.

“What?” I ask.

“What did he say?” she asks.

I almost ask her who he is, but since there is only one he in my life, other than the one sitting beside her, she’s talking about Atomic.

“He’s at my place. He was asking me more about what happened,” I reply softly.

She dips her chin in a single nod. “You know the police have been asking for you. I didn’t say anything, but they’re going to want you to make a report or something.”

“They can come and talk to me any time they want.”

“Ryan,” she warns. “You need to get the man who did this to you off the streets.”

I don’t know why she’s acting like I won’t tell the police the truth. I mean, I won’t. But I don’t know why she thinks that I won’t. Rose knows my sister, and she knows me. There’s no reason she would think that I would hide something, except I hide everything… so there is that.

“I know,” I say.

She shakes her head once, then clears her throat slightly before she stands and heads over to the window. I watch her move through the room, unable to stop thinking about Atomic standing at that same window just a few hours ago.

“You aren’t going to tell the police everything, are you?” she asks, her voice soft.

“Does it matter?” I ask. “You know that their hands are tied on a lot of things.”

“But Atomic’s aren’t.”

“No,” I whisper. “They aren’t.”

She hums, then turns around to face me. I watch as her gaze searches mine again. I know I should feel guilty about keeping things from the police. I’ve always been an honest person. Only two times have I done something dishonest, and both times, it ruined part of my life.

One being when I stole money from Atomic and ran, the other being having his baby and not telling him. I don’t know how my life would have turned out if I had stayed in Pineville, but I regret following my sister. I regret running. I regret not telling Atomic about his son.

Withholding the truth was just as bad as telling a lie, and honestly, I really hate myself for it all. I wish I could go back, but if I did, I don’t think I would change anything. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I could save my sister. I thought I was saving myself from a lifetime of heartache.

I thought a lot.

What I didn’t do was follow my feelings, my gut instincts. I should have, though. I should have realized that my sister is an addict who will never change just because I wish she would. I should have given Atomic the opportunity I gave Ellen to change. Because I think he would have at least tried, whereas she never did.

All I wanted was for Ellen to have a happy life and for Atomic to love me as much as I loved him. I wanted his fidelity. His loyalty. I wanted all of him, but he couldn’t give that to me then. It was easier to leave rather than stay.

So, I did.

And even with all my regrets, I still don’t know if it was a mistake or not.

Rose smiles. “Good. I think that what happened was unacceptable, so if you don’t go to the police and tell them the truth about everything, I’m glad that Atomic will take care of it.”

I don’t tell her that Atomic taking care of it means he’ll likely torture both Golden Joker and my sister. She doesn’t need to know that. All she needs to know is that she’ll be safe and so will we.

CHAPTER

EIGHT

ATOMIC