Page 39 of Filthy Secret
Once we have everything all figured out and my start date is scheduled for two weeks from now, I head back home. I’m surprised there is no brother waiting for me, tapping his foot angrily.
I just assumed I was missed.
But I’m not.
Grover has already forgotten about us. It doesn’t surprise me, even if I wished it would have taken a bit longer.
Letting myself into the house, I move around the kitchen and assume there will be some groceries, but there’s nothing new. So not only did he forget to send someone to watch me, but he’s also forgotten groceries that he claimed he was headed straight to the store to grab.
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about any of this. Last night, when he got all pissed off and left after sex, then came home and cuddled with me, I had some serious whiplash. I decide to make some dinner for me and Adam.
Adam.
He’s been quiet since we left the bakery. I have a box of cupcakes and cookies that he picked, but other than that, he hasn’t said much to me. Glancing over to him, I watch as he brings a couple of cars into the kitchen and climbs up on a barstool before he begins to run his cars on the countertop.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, trying to keep my voice as casual as possible.
Adam shrugs a shoulder, but he doesn’t speak immediately. I allow him to take his time. He’s more like me, a bit silent while he gathers his thoughts. When he has them gathered, he’ll have no problems speaking to me.
I continue to make some spaghetti, glad to have at least those ingredients in the house. I may need to start work a bit sooner than I anticipated. If Grover is going to completely ghost me, I’m going to need money quickly.
His speech about no other man in my bed and protecting me was all bullshit. I knew it was when he said it, but I wanted it to be true. The longer I think about everything that has happened just over the past twenty-four hours, the angrier and angrier I grow.
What a dick.
Although, even if he’s a dick and even though there’s nobody outside my door as protection, I’ve never felt safer. I also don’t quite know how to feel about that. I am confident that nothing is going to happen to me in Pineville.
Maybe it’s just because this used to be my home and it feels safe, but I can feel it down to my bones. Or maybe I just want to feel safe here. Like I’m creating that warm blanket to wrap around me and Adam in hopes it will become a reality if I believe it enough.
It doesn’t take me long to finish the spaghetti, but by the time I’m done and have the bowls ready, I realize I haven’t heard Adam tell me what’s bothering him. I’ve been so lost inside my own head I haven’t focused on my son.
Sliding a bowl across to him, I watch him and wait until he lets out a heavy sigh. That’s his telltale sign that he’s going to speak. And he does. But first, before he says a single word, he lifts his gaze to meet mine from the food in front of him.
“What happens when Grover never comes back?” he asks.
My head jerks at his unexpected question. “Why do you think that’s a possibility?” I ask.
He looks down at his bowl, using his fork to push his food around before he stops, and his gaze finds mine again. Adam clears his throat and then speaks again. “He left, he hasn’t been back, and I don’t know…”
His words trail off, and I have to admit that I don’t blame him for the questions. I feel the same way. I hate it, too. I am naturally a self-conscious person, but when it comes to him, to Grover, I am that times ten, and I don’t like myself at all.
But I can’t let my son feel this way. I won’t allow it. I don’t know how to reassure him without telling him a lie, but I try.
“Grover said he isn’t going anywhere. He brought us here. I think he’ll always be here for us.”
It’s the best I can do. I’m not sure how to assure him without blatantly feeding him some kind of bold lie. I don’t ever want to lie to Adam… God, what a hypocrite I am. We’re living a lie right now.
A lie that I’m facilitating and have created.
I haven’t told anyone the truth about Adam’s paternity. And here I am, so worried about lying to him about Grover being around when that’s all I’ve been doing.
Liar. Liar. Liar.
There’s a knock on the side door. The sound takes me out of my thoughts. I pause, turning my head and looking directly at the door. I watch as if I’m waiting for it to swing open. Then the sound comes again, my eyes flick to the dead bolt, and I notice it’s firmly locked in place. Nobody is coming in here, not without making a lot more noise than simply knocking.
When it happens a third time, I move toward the door. I think about calling Grover. It’s growing dark, and I can’t see who is behind this door since it doesn’t have a peephole. Inhaling a deep breath, I move closer to the door and press my ear against it as I call out, asking who is on the other side.
“It’s Ellen.”