Page 48 of Filthy Secret

She takes half a step backward, but to her credit, she doesn’t completely cower in fear of me. Although, I think she probably should. The only other time I felt this angry was when she took off with the Nomad Kings MC and took fifty thousand of my fucking dollars along with her.

But I let her go.

My pride wouldn’t let me chase after her, but I’m not that man any longer. She’s not going anywhere this time. And she sure as fuck is not taking my son anywhere either.

“So you were going to keep him from me? Forever?” I demand.

She shakes her head once, her eyes staying focused on mine as she does. I watch as she presses her pretty pink lips together, rolling them a few times before she parts them and inhales a deep breath, effectively buying herself a little time.

“Not forever,” she begins, her voice trembling and her eyes full of fear, as they fucking should be. “I just…” Her words trail off, but she doesn’t finish what she intended to say, and I don’t have all fucking day for this conversation. I have shit to do and business to handle.

I open my mouth and start to tell her just that when Nash’s voice breaks through our tense moment.

“Cut the kid a break, Atomic,” he calls out.

Both of our heads twist to look over at him. He’s sitting at the table, a stack of pancakes in front of him. Inwardly, I smile because while we’ve been having this conversation, he actually fried those up himself, seeing as I had a bowl of batter but no more pancakes cooked.

“What?” I ask.

He jerks his chin toward me. “You think that Ryan did that maliciously? Or do you think it was in the name of self-preservation and possibly fear of the unknown? You, of all people, should know at least a little of the hell she’s been through, and my guess would be that it’s been more than what you even realize. So cut her a break.”

I want to tell him that he’s a fucking asshole, that he’s full of shit, and that he’s wrong. But every single thing he’s just said is absolutely correct. I should not hold all of this against her. I shouldn’t be so angry. Ryan went through hell as a kid, and even more so with her fucking cunt of a sister.

She’s been raising Adam by herself, but at the same time, she chose to do all this shit alone. I have only been a few hours away, and she should know that I, of all people, would take care of my responsibilities.

“But that’s just it,” she whispers. I didn’t realize that I said anything out loud. I’ve been fucking lost in my thoughts. “I knew you would take care of your responsibilities, but I didn’t want me or my son to just be something you took care of out of a sense of duty. You had your life. It was clear that even being in a relationship wasn’t going to change that life, and I couldn’t be here.”

Naturally, I understand what she’s saying. But my pride will never, not fucking ever, admit that.

“You fucked up, legs. You took something away from me, and I’m not going to shrug that shit off.”

“I understand,” she exhales.

“No, you don’t. But you will.”

CHAPTER

NINETEEN

RYAN

Grover leaves.

He slams the front door. He doesn’t say goodbye. He doesn’t kiss me. He doesn’t even look at me. I should not be surprised. I’ve earned his anger, his distrust, all of it. I’ve earned more, too, I’m sure. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Because it absolutely does, to the marrow of my bones.

I thought I was as over him as I could be. Being apart for six years, I had resigned myself to a life without him. He was my past. He hurt me in more ways than one, and I was going to do the best I could raising our son, and that was that.

Except that isn’t that.

It never was.

Being around him again, feeling him move inside of me, it’s clear to me I am indeed not over him. Not even a little bit. I hate myself for that. My stupid heart. My stupid, stupid heart.

I still love this man. Every piece of him. Even the bad. And I feel like the bad person in this relationship. I know we have both played the part more than once, but right now, it feels as if I am the lead.

“Don’t worry about it too much. It’ll get worked out,” Nash announces as I stare at the closed front door.