Page 5 of Filthy Secret

“Ryan was the dream, but we were all young as fuck. Maybe don’t give her such a hard time. I’m sure it took a hell of a lot for her to come here and talk to you, especially knowing that everyone here probably hates her.”

Shaking my head, I bring the bottle back to my lips and finish it before I toss it in the trash and focus my attention on him. “She fucked up. She walked away, and she knew the rules.”

“Grover,” Brew grunts, using my real name.

I can’t remember the last time he called me by my real name. It sounds so foreign to my ears. Ryan doesn’t even know my name. I never told her. I was Atomic to her, and that’s what I’ll always be. I don’t understand why I protect myself that way, but I do.

Probably because my father always taught me that vulnerability in any way was weakness.

Ryan made me weak.

She still makes me weak, and I fucking hate myself for it.

“Don’t Grover me,” I snap. “That bitch walked away. She took my money, did whatever the fuck she did with the Nomad Kings, and she bounced.”

And that’s what Ryan did. She took fifty grand from me before she walked out the door. That wouldn’t have bothered me, though. It was the fact that she ran off with a couple of guys from the rival MC that has me fucking livid beyond anything else. That’s a betrayal I’m not willing to forget so easily.

Brew grunts. “You have no idea what she was doing with the Nomads,” he says.

He’s reminding me that I don’t know the exact reason, but at the same time, I don’t give a fuck. Her talking to them, then vanishing, was enough for me to know that some shit went down. I don’t need bullshit details, which I know will be nothing but lies.

“I don’t. But it was nothing good,” I state.

He dips his chin in a nod. “And that’s that?” he asks. “You’re good with never knowing if whatever mess she’s in got her killed or not?”

Leaning forward, I place my palms on the Formica countertop as I let out a growl. “I don’t know her,” I state. “I don’t fucking know her.”

“Then why is just seeing her for a few minutes got you so fucking fucked up?” he asks.

I shake my head once and decide I’m done with this conversation, beyond done. “You’re right,” I quip. “I’ve wallowed in whatever this was. I’m ready to go back. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

I turn toward the bathroom without saying another word. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I need to push her out of my mind, something I thought I did six years ago, but apparently, she’s still got me all fucked up.

RYAN

I upset him.

But I am angrier at myself. I shouldn’t have even come here. I should have packed up my things and run a long time ago, about the time that asshole pimp started looking in my direction when my sister was running up her debts.

Making record time to Harmony Springs, I pull up to the two-bedroom, one-bathroom, single-story 1930s cottage. It’s old and looks worse for wear on the outside, but I’ve done everything I can to keep it as nice as possible.

I’ve tried.

I’ve tried everything.

It still looks like an absolute shithole.

Blinking away the tears, I wonder if I should do a midnight move. Would that asshole be able to find me? Could I leave my sister? The answer to both of those questions is yes. Yes, that asshole could probably find me. And also, yes, I could leave my sister.

I’ve been her caretaker for so long that I am exhausted. Everything about her exhausts me, and I haven’t helped her in any way whatsoever. I’ve enabled her. I’ve spent my entire life enabling my big sister. I thought I was doing something to help her. I thought I idolized her.

But all Ellen has ever done is fuck up and fuck me over. She’s used me. Over and over again without a single shit given if she’s messing my life up. She’s a selfish, narcissistic drug addict, and since she was the only family I had, I let her do it to me time and time again.

“No more,” I whisper. “No more.”

I’m sure I’m lying to myself. I’m not strong, especially when it comes to her, but at the same time, I think it’s time I am. I’ve been chasing after her for eleven years, and all it’s ever done is ruin me, every single part of me.

Inhaling a deep breath, I reach for my phone and look down at the screen. There are five texts from my sister and one from Golden Joker. God, what an idiot. I cannot believe my sister got mixed up with someone who calls himself Golden Joker.