Page 32 of Filthy Lawyer
“Well, do the honorable thing and quit.”
“Do you want to know what happened to him?”
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“He sentenced a criminal to a rightfully deserved twenty years in federal prison for stealing millions of dollars from the government,” she said. “The criminal decided that he didn't appreciate his sentence, so he assaulted him in open court.”
I crossed my arms, unsure of where she was going with this.
“His lawyer in the assault case, a dirty one just like you, used the insanity defense and managed to get him off for that.”
“First of all, there's no man on this planet like me,” I said. “Second of all, someonedoeshave to be insane to assault a goddamn judge, so I’m not surprised he got off. Third, in your essay application, you mentioned that you didn’t have anyone in the legal profession in your family and that your grandfather—your “favorite family member—is alive and running a farm in Pennsylvania. Is this ‘honorable judge’ story true, or are you forging this like your recommendation letter?”
“It’s arealstory.”
“But it’s notyourstory, is it?”
Her flushed cheeks answered that question.
“Okay, I thought so.” I looked at my watch. “Thank you for that lovely story time, Miss Tanner. Now, get back to that damn cafe. Time is ticking.”
PUNITIVE DAMAGES (N.)
DAMAGES AWARDED IN A LAWSUIT AS A PUNISHMENT AND EXAMPLE TO OTHERS FOR MALICIOUS, EVIL OR PARTICULARLY FRAUDULENT ACTS
DAMIEN
When I walked into my office on Thursday morning, Andrew was sitting in my custom red chair, writing on a notepad.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m writing you up, Mr. Carter,” he said. “I’ve let your toxic behavior slide at our firm long enough.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Human Resources received an urgent and formal complaint about you.”
“Fromwho?”
“An anonymous employee named Elizabeth Tanner.”
“You need to look up the definition of ‘anonymous.’” I paused. “She snitched on me?”
“She feels as if her partner isn’t being respectful of her time and talent.” He looked up at me with a straight face. “So, as someone who cares deeply about everyone’s emotions and feelings in this building, I’m afraid that I have to punish you.”
“Okay.” I crossed my arms. “Let me know when you’re done playing games.”
“One second. I need to deliver a few more stern lines and threaten to take away something financial from you.”
“Andrew…”
“I’m done.” He smiled and stood to his feet. “Can you please get her an actual office on this floor and fix whatever the hell is wrong, please?”
“You can handle the latter thing by pairing me with someone else.”
“If she wasn’t the best first-year we’ve ever hired, I would,” he said. “If you want, I can always pair you with Rhonda or Charles since they’re third-years with far more experience.”
“Do they still find a way to bring up that naked clogging group they want to join in every conversation?”