Page 14 of Coming Undone
And, oddly, more than a little guilt for her mother’s illness.
“It wasn’t like I made up the idea on the spot.” Danny eased off the guitar and lifted it into an open case on the deck behind him. “Coming from a family with so much has always made me feel guilty somehow. Like I’d won a cosmic lottery and hadn’t really done anything to deserve it. Plus, I was never called to wear a suit and go to some job that would add to the family’s profit margin even though I went to school for architecture.”
She’d vaguely recalled that he held some kind of technical degree. Perhaps that had been another sign of the Navy lieutenant lurking within the easy-going rocker, but she’d been too busy enjoying his fun and spontaneous side that she hadn’t really taken the time to understand the whole man.
“So you’d been thinking about going into the military before then.” Relief flowed through her. She took another tiny sip of the whiskey to keep her warm as the night air turned cooler.
“Yes.” He slid closer to her, draping an arm around her shoulders. “But when I heard you and Christina were being held prisoner-”
He tensed and she wished she hadn’t asked about this. Not tonight when he’d just come home and it should be a happy occasion.
“I didn’t mean to bring this up,” she blurted, even knowing she couldn’t undo words already spoken. “That is, we don’t have to talk about that time if you don’t want to.”
“If you’re going home to Cape Cod with me, it’s better you know about this now anyhow.” His hand rubbed along her shoulder and down one arm, warming her. “My family all remembers that you were a big part of the reason I went into the Navy. I wouldn’t want you to be caught off guard by anything they might say. Not that anyone would have a reason for bringing it up.”
Danny watched her face as she processed the news. Her profile was shadowed, the glow spilling out onto the deck from the house not providing much light. But he could tell she was surprised. Upset.
A furrow creased her forehead, her lips pursing into a frown.
“I never meant to put anyone in danger for my sake.” Her voice was thready. She rubbed at the goose bumps on her arm.
He knew she wasn’t just thinking about him and his service. He’d read her book. Remembered her mother had a breakdown that led to severe pneumonia while Stephanie had been held captive. She’d come home to find her mom hospitalized and near death. While her mom had lived, he wasn’t sure what their relationship was now. When he’d known Stephanie, they hadn’t been close.
“You didn’t do anything,” he reminded her gently as he pressed her nearer to warm her up. “I was pissed off that a foreign situation was so hazardous that members of the media could be snatched off the street. That warranted getting involved and made me sorry as hell I hadn’t signed the paperwork sooner.”
Those few weeks after she’d been taken – before he got into the Navy – had been a nightmare. His family had convinced him to try diplomatic channels. Financial channels. They’d used their international business leverage to try and get answers. They’d offered money to shadowy figures who might have leads. And all the while, Danny had seethed. He’d broken most of his knuckles during those three weeks, punching doors, walls, and even- he sorely regretted– his younger brother’s nose for making the most peripheral comment on the situation.
Even now, Danny had to unclench his fists as he remembered the paralyzing inability to help her.
A feeling that he refused to ever experience again. Because any help she needed now? He planned to provide. In spades. And yet, instead of taking her to bed with him earlier, he’d shown her the guest room and turned to the guitar, scared spitless of screwing things up with her.
“Then thank you, Danny.” She turned toward him suddenly, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for fighting for me. For other foreign travelers overseas. I’m so grateful for the job you do after seeing what it’s like over there.”
His grip tightened on her shoulder, keeping her pressed to his chest.
“You’re welcome.” He closed his eyes, inhaling the clean scent of her mingled with the night air. “It was the best thing for me.” He would have gone off the deep end otherwise, but he didn’t tell her that. Not when she’d nearly lost her mom to a breakdown.
But it was true. The service had saved his ass and given him a sense of purpose when he wanted to go Rambo on her captors.
“Can I ask one more question before I leave you to play your guitar in peace?” She peered up at him, the flannel robe she wore gaping a little at the lapels so he could glimpse the thin cotton t-shirt she wore beneath.
Was it still layered over a second? Or had she stripped one off as she got ready for bed? The thought heated his blood in spite of the topic of conversation – one he’d avoided discussing with anyone for years. But with Stephanie asking the questions, he couldn’t feel defensive. He only wanted her to be safe. Happy.
“You can ask anything.” He meant it. For her, he’d tear down defenses he’d spent five years building.
“When you wrote to me after my book came out…” She seemed to weigh her words. She laid a hand on his chest, right over his heart. “What did your letter say?”
Crap. Sure she could ask him anything. That didn’t mean he’d be able to answer.
“It was a long time ago.” He didn’t mention that he could probably recite the thing verbatim since he’d spent more time composing it than he had on original four-part harmonies for the old band. “But I was basically checking to see how you were doing. Ask if you wanted to… get together.”
All of which was true.
He braced for her reaction. He’d put more of himself on the line with her today than he ever had before.
She shivered against him and he lifted her onto his lap, settling her across his thighs.
“I was so mixed up then, it’s probably just as well I didn’t see you,” she confided, her blue eyes more visible now that she was turned into the scant light coming from the house.