Page 110 of Except You

He blinks at me and then presses his hands to my chest. “Tell me what this is, Max. What is this between us?”

I hold on to him a little too tightly.

“I know I said we didn’t need to define it, but if I’m giving up my apartment to move in with you, I need to know.”

“You’re mine, Bow-tie.”

“It’s not enough, Max. Am I still an experiment?”

I shake my head adamantly. “You never were. Not for one minute.”

He lets out a shaky breath and then presses his forehead to my chest.

“You don’t need to tell me you’re gay, or bi, or anything, but at least tell me you’re not questioning anymore.”

I hesitate a moment and his head pops back up.

“I can’t give it all up for someone who’s still questioning. You have to understand that. You have to understand that I can’t risk it. My heart is on the line here, Max. I can’t.”

“There’s not a question in my mind about you. About us.” I say it emphatically, with a rough tinge to my voice. “I am absolutely certain about how much I want you.”

“Yes, but what about when your parents find out about us? What then?”

“I don’t care about them or what they think.”

But the crack in my voice betrays me because I do care about them. Just not enough to stop this. To give him up.

“Maybe we should cancel the movers. I could renew my lease month to month.”

“You’re moving in.” I say it so loud and abruptly that Doggo barks in surprise and then grabs a pillow and shakes it.

“Max,” Beau protests, but fuck this. I’m not giving up. I refuse. “What are we? What is this?”

“We’re non-platonic roommates, Bow-tie. I don’t know. You’re mine. I don’t know what the fuck you want from me.”

He pulls away from me and runs a hand down his face, his eyes a little too wet for my liking.

“Goddamnit, Max. Goddamn you. Non-platonic roommates?” He snorts and then turns his gaze from me. “This is ridiculous. I need to leave.”

My heart drops, and I stare at him. “Hell no. Why do you need to leave?”

We just got back from a fantastic getaway. I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay.

“I just need some space. I need to think about this. This weekend was not non-platonic roommates.”

I stare at him and then throw my hands in the air in frustration. Beau glowers at me, and I put them down, feeling defensive and a little bit broken.

I feel like I’m cracking right down the middle.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

He grabs his duffle bag from earlier, the one I just brought in from the car, and slings it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, and that’s the problem isn’t it?”

“Come on. Talk to me, Bow-tie. I want you to move in with me. I want you to live with me, to be in my life.”

He glances over at me and then shakes his head sadly.