Page 96 of Except You
“Come on. Let’s go inside.”
He nods and we get out and walk together, hand in hand, into our house.
The next day, I can feel Beau pulling away from me, despite whispering words of reassurance before we fell asleep and holding him against me all night.
His eyes don’t hold that same Bow-tie sparkle, and I hate it. Hate that I’m the reason he’s upset.
I hate that coming to terms with my sexuality is so damn confusing, but I’m determined to show him I’m fine, that I’m more than fine with all of this.
I may struggle and stumble along the way, but I’ll eventually get it. I’m not a quitter. And there is no way I’m going to quit Beau.
“Hey,” I say when he walks into the kitchen after work. He looks a little rumpled, like he’s been carding his hands through his hair all day, and I wonder if that’s because of me. If I’m the reason he’s stopped smiling. “How was your day?”
I pull him in for a soft kiss, and he sighs against me, wrapping his hands around my back.
“It was boring. I’m glad to be here,” he replies, pulling away before I can kiss him again.
A frown pulls my lips down and my heart lurches in my chest. He’s never done that before. Usually, he leans in for another one and another, and I hate that he’s pulling back. But I refuse to acknowledge it. I’m going to make this better by pretending everything is fine.
“Well, I ordered in dinner. I did make something, but Doggo ate half of it when I turned my back.”
Beau laughs and my heart pounds in my chest. I love seeing his smile, even if it’s just because of something that Doggo did. “And um, earlier, Magnus called to remind us of dinner at their place Saturday. I told him we’d be there, if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” he says with a smile and then leans down to pat Doggo on the head, just as the doorbell rings. I move to answer it, and it’s just a damn package. Fuck me. Just when I had Beau smiling again.
Because as soon as I turn to look at him once more, he seems distant.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
He wets his lips. “Yes, of course. I’m perfect. I’m just tired and hungry.”
“Well, dinner should be here soon. I ordered ramen. I hope you like Japanese food.”
“I love it.”
The conversation is stilted and awkward. It’s always flowed so easily between us and now I don’t know what to do.
Beau shifts on his feet for a moment and then moves to grab a glass of wine and then leans against the counter, taking a sip. The way he angles his body away from mine, the way he won’t make eye contact makes my stomach sour.
I want to give him his space, but I can’t stand being apart from him. For some reason, I crave him. It’s pure desperation at this point.
My hands run through my hair and then I sigh heavily. It’s no use. I need him. Without a word, I move up behind him, pulling him into my body and nestling my face into his neck. He smells so good, like quintessential Beau.
“Something’s wrong. I can feel it. I can see it. Talk to me, Bow-tie.”
He sighs against me and tilts his neck slightly so I can kiss my way across his skin. Even though he’s upset, he still lets me touch him. At least that’s something.
“I’m sorry, I know I’ve been distant today, but I’m just in my head over everything.”
“About me?”
He nods and then turns to look at me, worry clouding his gaze. I don’t like that look. I want him to be reassured, to feel how much I want this.
“Move in with me,” I blurt.
His mouth falls open, his eyes wide.
“What? What the hell?”