Page 81 of Angels In The Dark

26

Siren

Juliana

IguiltilyavoidSage for days.

It’s not her fault she married the wrong person.

It’s not her fault he’s the cause of the worst experience in my life.

It’s not her fault I’m broken.

It hurts that she didn’t tell me. Thinking back though, I would have only handled it worse if she’d told me sooner. I am already falling apart, and I’m barely putting myself back together.

I need time to process. My entire body has been on high alert for forever, and while Cy has been teaching me physically how to fight, my first instinct is still flight.

When she came to my room, all I wanted to do was hide. I wanted to disappear. Hearing her truth in front of everyone made my heart stop, and in turn, all I wanted was for everything to freeze.

I’m so tired of surviving on momentum, of only making it to the next day because I made it through the last.

I’m alive but not living.

I’m in limbo because I don’t know if I want to go back to life.

Part of me is comfortable with the emptiness I’ve adjusted to. Part of me feels safe here.

Cy returned without Jay that day, and his absence makes me ache. I need him, and he isn’t here.

Not that it’s his fault. It’s the plan. We’re sticking to the plan.

The only bright spot is when I learn they met with Griffin and figured out a way for him to visit.

Similar to Jay’s appearance, we arranged a pickup for him that would be outside of everyone’s normal routines. He’ll then go through the city on a circuitous path until Cy is certain it’s safe to return home.

Home.

When did I start to think of this place as home?

I don’t want to doubt Cy, but his caution seems over the top. When he got back from the meeting with Griffin, he swore up and down someone followed them for at least half an hour before he lost them. But at this point, why would someone still be trying to follow any of us? It’s been over two months.

Nothing bad is going to happen.

The words are the mantra getting me through the day.

The day arrives before I know it, and Cy and Ember pick up a car from goddess knows where. The plates are surely stolen, and I know it’s destined for a scrapyard immediately after this odyssey.

Today is the day.

Griffin is supposed to be here in an hour.

This is totally different from seeing Jay though. Reuniting with him is like coming home. There is comfort, safety, and security there.

With Griffin, there are butterflies in my stomach.

I’m nervous.

Which is ridiculous. I only know the man from a few days together.