Page 33 of Taboo

I quickly find that she prefers my more aggressive tendencies and when I take things a little further than the basic. She likes it rough and that thrills the fuck out of me.

Her death grip on my hair forces me to pleasure her until she’s grinding herself through an orgasm from the efforts of my tongue. I move over her and take a handful of her hair, quickly noticing the dampness. She smells of shampoo and that makes me wish I would’ve made an appearance just a half an hour earlier. That shower could’ve been amazing.

“Have you been drinking.” She smells the whiskey on me.

“I had two drinks when I got home.” I move between her legs, my dick sinking in as she wraps her legs around my ass. “I was thinking about you.”

“Oh you were.” She lets out a breath when I thrust all the way in.

“Yes. I was trying to decide if I should leave you alone or remind you why we should be together.” I thrust hard and deep. Slow and precise.

I hold her in my arms as I move in and out of her, kissing her as I do.

“Thought you said no talking.” I bite her neck as I drive into her again. She moans and squeezes her legs the harder I bite. “Ahh. Fuckkkk.” She likes it. The way she says fuck proves it.

We continue for hours. The sun begins to shine through the curtains before I decide to stop giving her orgasm after orgasm. We’re both drenched in sweat as I begin to fuck her relentlessly allowing my own release to go over the edge. I roll us over and pull her against me, inhaling her scent again.

She wiggles against me, finding that perfect spot that we fit the best before she pulls my arm across her chest and holds it tight. “I love you Kali.” I’m whispering the words before I have the chance to think about them. “I’ve always loved you.”

Kali

I’ve thought about this very situation most of my life. What would it feel like to have him hold me? Have him treat me like he can’t keep his hands off me, then pull me in and tell me he loves me.

The only problem is… I’m in love with two men at the same time. Just when I think I can choose one over the other, they confuse me all over again. This isn’t healthy for any of us. I’m turning into a whore allowing them both to fuck me in the same day. Thank god I had showered after Levi left, but I feel anything but clean.

I have to leave. I have to slip out of here and never look back because the thought of having to say goodbye to either of them isn’t an option.

Slipping out of bed, I glance back to look at Noah’s naked body. He’s just as gorgeous as I imagined he’d be. The way he treated me tonight was perfect, but so was the way Levi fucked me. Levi spent time with me, laughing and joking, but still fucking me senseless over and over.

Then Noah comes in and does the same. I’m nearly sick to my stomach thinking about what I’ve become when I grab my things and slip out the door. The house is quiet and I leave it that way. I call a cab to meet me at the diner just down the road.

This is the best thing I could do for all of us. For Levi. For Noah. And For me.

I’ve decided to go home. I know I’ll face the neighbor from hell and I’ll lose that feeling of safety I’ve grown accustomed to, but I can’t deal with the pull and push crap I’ve been doing with both Noah and Levi.

The truth is I can’t decide which one I want to be with. I’ve tried. I’ve been thinking about both of them since I walked back into that house. What I’ve done to them and myself is unforgivable.

I thought Noah was the love of my life and now I’m not sure I wasn’t destined to have two. The problem is, they’re at the same time. I can’t choose. And rather than breaking my heart to say goodbye to one of them, I’d rather face the danger of the psychotic neighbor from hell.

I’ve been saving every penny I’ve made to get me a car. I don’t have enough to buy one as nice as my Jeep, but it’ll have to get me something to get around in. My lease is up in two months and I’ll move into a new house then.

I just need to work constantly and keep focused on moving forward. Levi and Noah will have to understand that I can’t be around them anymore. It’s too hard and I’m becoming consumed in guilt. It’s killing me.

Tears slide down both my cheeks as soon as I sit in the cab. The drive to my house is quick and before I completely lose it, I’m inside with the water running in my shower.

Proof of Levi being here with me is still in my bedroom with the bed tore all to hell. I strip the bed and toss it all in the washer before I step into the shower, gasping for air as I remove them from my life completely.

My heart aches as I take in the overwhelming emptiness I feel now that I’m away from them. The void is suffocating me as the water rushes over my face and I can barely breathe. Before I know it, I’m squatting with my legs tucked against my chest allowing the hot water to wash away the tears that fall. My guttural cries echo in the bathroom, only making me sound more pathetic than I feel.

I remain this way until the hot water runs out. When the cold takes over, I’m no longer able to cry. Shivering takes over and I fight through it and just accept the shock to my body. This is better than feeling all the agony I was before.

When I can’t take another second of the cold, I crawl to the faucet and turn off the water. My breathing is rapid as I try to regain the warmth I lost. The towel in my hair and the robe around my body only does so much to help.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and have to stop and look again. I look as bad as I feel and that’s a problem because I need to be at work in a couple of hours. If either of them show up to ask me questions, I don’t want them to think I regret my decision to leave. It’s apparent neither of them are going to make this easy on me, so I need to be ready to stand my ground.

One thing I’ve learned about them both is they are stubborn, but they are also both protective. That’s something I’ve always known though. It just seems to have come out in full force lately with everything going on in my life.

I force myself to put on makeup and do my hair, hoping that will make me feel half alive. The music in the background helps slightly until a song comes on that reminds me of Levi. I rush to turn it off and fight back the tears that start to surface again.