Page 77 of Pucks and Books
“I didn’t want to. I don’t want to keep reliving it.”
“I understand,” I say, squeezing her hand.
She gives me a small smile; it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I know you told me about Mikayla and it wasn’t easy. But what happened in your past directly affected us, and all that shit I went through doesn’t make or break us,” she tells me, her eyes holding mine hostage. I want to look away, but she won’t allow me to. “The only reason I told you is because of how bad my nightmares are. I don’t want you to worry. I just want your support.”
“That’s not a problem, Lou. I will always support you, and I’m not upset with you at all. I’m sorry if that’s how I’m coming off.”
“No, I’m just keyed up.”
“So am I,” I agree, rubbing her knuckles with my thumb.
After a moment, she looks down at her food. “I was trapped. I was forced to be his. I know you don’t understand—I mean, fuck, a cult? What the fuck, ya know? These things shouldn’t be happening, but that was my reality, Ciaran. My life. And I was forced into things I wouldn’t even allow you to wish on Mikayla.”
That has my heart stopping dead in my chest. Tears stream down her face, and it takes everything in me not to close the distance and brush away each one. Unable to resist, I pull her into my lap, cuddling her close to my chest. I kiss her temple, her brow, before nuzzling my nose against the shell of her ear. “You’re right. I don’t understand. It’s beyond me how something like that is still happening.” I hear her swallow. “I wish I had found you earlier, saved you from all that.” She leans into me, and I squeeze her in my arms. “Not that you needed me to save you—you did it yourself and saved your sisters, like a fucking warrior.”
When she smiles, my heart lurches in my chest. “True, but I’d rather have had you.”
I smile against her ear. “You didn’t deserve that bullshit from anyone. It sickens me that they even called it a marriage.”
“Right?” She scoffs. “That wasn’t a marriage. A marriage is love, support, and happiness. That’s not what that was. It was pure hell.”
I shake my head, my nose brushing against the shell of her ear. “You’ll never feel that way again. Even if I am a dumbass, I’ll be a better husband.”
Her lips curve up. “You would be a good husband.”
“Would?”
Her eyes dance with mine. “Could?”
I give her a look. “Will,” I promise, and her eyes… God, they take my breath away. “I love you, Lou.”
She melts into me, as if all the tension leaves her body as she turns her head, her nose meeting mine. “You do? Even after all that?”
“My love,” I breathe, dragging my thumb along her bottom lip. “I love you more because of it. I am so proud to call you mine, to be on the receiving end of your fierce love.”
Tears fall in rivers down her round cheeks, and I wipe them away as soon as they drop. “You’re not mad I didn’t tell you earlier?”
I slowly shake my head. “Not at all.”
“I was worried you would be.”
“I am nothing but livid for you and your sisters, pissed you guys were put through that, and murderous toward those bastards who hurt you.” I press my nose to hers. “But I am proud, Lou. In awe of you, and I swear I will always be there to comfort you and chase away those bad dreams with lusty kisses that you love.”
“Promise?”
“Love, promise is a weak notion compared to what I want to vow to you,” I whisper against her lips. “I will chase away every bad dream. I will love you, so hard that none of that will ever hurt you again.”
She kisses my top lip. “Thank you, Ciaran.”
I shake my head. “What are you thanking me for?”
Her eyes search mine, and I catch another tear that escapes. “For loving me.”
A grin breaks across my face. “My love, don’t you know I’m addicted to you?”
She gasps, and my grin widens as she brings her hands up to cup my cheeks. “I love you, Ciaran.”
“I love you.”