Page 16 of Untouchable
“You’re sure about this?” Shaw asks, glancing back at his ballerina wife as she talks animatedly with Joss, seated in the backseat of our SUV.
“Yeah, I don’t want this touching your house if they manage to follow us.” Parked on the side of the road in the middle of the night, Shaw gives me the keys and the codes for the cabin. I’ve gone hunting with him a few times over the years, so I know the way up the mountainside.
“You guys need anything, use the SAT phone or come on down. I’ll keep an eye on the roads leading up that way. Doesn’t get much traffic nowadays, but when it does, I normally know who it is.” Nodding, I shake his hand with a thanks.
“When it’s all over, you’ll come to the farm and meet everyone. You’ll love my girl, Marilyn; she’s quite the character.” Joss nods at Monroe, but she’s subdued and exhausted. I can tell everything is catching up with her, and she needs rest.
What she truly needs is to be safe. Something I’m working on making her.
After saying goodbye, we’re on the road again, and Joss lays back down. She hasn’t said anything in hours, and my worry for her reaches a crescendo. This is not like her. Sure, she has moments where she just enjoys silence, but right now, everything has gotten overwhelming, and I worry about her mental health.
“Why don’t you sleep?” I suggest, glancing back at her. “We have another hour or so before we reach the cabin.” She doesn’t move, hardly breathes, and she stares straight ahead.
Fucking hell.
CHAPTER11
Jossilyn
All I can think about is Trusen. How hurt he is. The blood that coated the sidewalk outside the independent bookstore and the fear he must have felt.
Because of me.
My brother is in the hospital because someone wants me dead.
How am I supposed to deal with that? After everything that’s happened in our lives, the things we have lived through, and it’s because we’re free that he’s hurt. Could have died. Still could if what the doctors said was true. He needs to get through the possibility of infection and a list of other things that I didn’t really comprehend at the time. While I’m here, in the beautiful Crazy Mountains of Montana.
I never thought I’d see a more spectacular sight than the Colorado Rockies, but this might be it. Yet I can’t enjoy it because all I can think about is the lives being damaged simply because of me.
The sun began to rise a few minutes ago, and I’ve been sitting on the porch with a blanket wrapped around me since I felt Braxton fall asleep over an hour ago. He held me tightly to his body, and I wanted to love it. I have before, but I can’t now, not knowing my brother is out there suffering because of his need to protect me.
What if the same thing happens to Braxton?How would I live with myself if it did? I couldn’t. I’d never be able to go on if he were hurt.
“You shouldn’t be out here.” Braxton’s rumbling voice is thick with sleep as he stands over me in nothing but a pair of boxers and a gun in his hand. “You shouldn’t have left the fucking bed.” He’s pissed.
I can only shrug. Maybe it’d be better if whoever was after me found me. If I’m dead, they won’t want to hurt the people I love anymore.
“Get the fucking thought out of your head, pup.” He’s always been able to read me so easily.
Tears fall from my eyes, and I don’t bother swiping them away. Everything feels so unmanageable. Panic begins to saw away at my chest, constricting my lungs until I try to take large gulping breaths, but nothing works.
I can’t breathe.
“Hey, pup, head down.” I feel his hand on the back of my head, forcing it between my legs. “Easy now. Whatever you’re imagining, it’s not nearly as bad as you think it is, baby. I’m right here.”
“You don’t,”…I hiccup…“understand.” Another hiccup as I feel the edges of my vision turning black. Picking me up, Braxton carries me back inside.
Laying me on the bed, I feel my shirt come off, and his hands begin massaging my chest, applying slow circular pressure until my lungs feel like the rubber band has released from around them.
“That’s my girl, just breathe, relax. Nice and easy now.” Covering my face with my hands, deep, racking sobs are torn from the depths of my body. Forced up through my constricted throat and expelled in a scream so loud my ears ring.
Braxton pulls me into his arms, comforting me as I fall apart and holding me through the storm inundating my body with giant waves of rage and sorrow. I cry until I’m exhausted, and my eyes are swollen, my nose too puffy to breathe through, and he doesn’t care how messy I am. Braxton just offers comfort and love when I don’t deserve any of it.
I’m never good enough. Never brave enough. Never…enough.
By the time I’ve cried myself into oblivion, my body aches like I’ve been hit by a car, and I can’t keep my eyes open. Braxton lays down with me and doesn’t move until I finally wake up hours later.
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