Page 122 of Head Over Heels
He forced the words from his throat. “I mean I saw your face. You were excited.”
She bit her bottom lip and shrugged. “It’s a fantastic opportunity. This is one of the best companies in Chicago. This will make my career. Bring me back to my life. Should I apologize for that?”
“No. You shouldn’t.” Because she shouldn’t. She should be thrilled and happy, and he didn’t want to ruin it for her. “I’m happy for you, Soph. You are brilliant and charismatic and a force to be reckoned with. You deserve the life and career you want, and François would be a fool not to give you that position. Congratulations.”
“Don’t congratulate me yet. It’s nothing definite.”
He blew out a breath. “That’s not really the point.”
Silence grew like a thorn bush directly between them, making him feel distant and removed from her.
Her brow creased. “What’s the point?”
“Do you want to talk about our future?”
Fear darkened her expression. Almost violently, she shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about yet. Can’t you see that? Nothing has changed.”
But it had changed for him. He peered out the window. He was invested in her. He tightened his hand around his glass. “I’d like to at least discuss it. Talk about options.”
“No!” The word was sharp on her lips. “Let’s forget it and focus on having fun.”
He was in love with her and wanted to talk about a future, or at least the possibility of one, and she wanted to have fun. He’d been fooling himself. She didn’t see a future with him. That wasn’t even on her radar. It wasn’t even a consideration.
Now that he knew, he couldn’t un-know, and as much as he wanted to pretend this changed nothing for him, that wasn’t an option. So he forced the words from his tight throat. “We’re at an impasse, Sophie.”
Panic filled her face, and a flush broke out on her chest. She shook her head. “No, we’re not. Why are you doing this? We don’t even know what’s going to happen. Just forget about it until I tell you it’s serious. Okay?”
He leaned forward on his elbows and dug his thumbs into his eye sockets. “You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand? It’s the same situation as always since we started this.”
“And what’s that situation as you understand it?”
Her gaze skittered away. “We’re having a good time. We laugh and have great sex. We like each other. We knew it was stupid to get involved and decided to do it anyway. I don’t understand why a potential job offer needs to change anything. Why stop until we’re forced to?”
Shit. Had he misread the situation or what? He shrugged. “I’m sorry. Maybe it’s unfair. Hell, it probably is. But I don’t think I can be your fuck buddy anymore.”
“I didn’t say that.” She bounded off the bed and pointed an accusing finger at him. “Don’t twist my words. I never called you a fuck buddy.”
He gave her a level look. “You want me to give you a good time and orgasms until you take off back to your real life, isn’t that what you’re saying?”
She screamed, a short burst of sound. “Why do you have to make it sound like that?”
“How else can it sound? Explain how I’m wrong, Sophie.” His voice rose as the barely repressed anger beat at his ribs.
“What’s wrong with what we’re doing? Everything is great between us.”
“Yes, it’s great. You’re great.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but it’s not enough.”
It wasn’t, no matter how much he wanted it to be. No matter how much this conversation was killing him.
She jerked back as though he’d slapped her. “Not enough? I’m not enough for you?”
“Don’t you understand?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t understand at all. You’ve always known I was leaving, Ryder. I’ve never pretended anything else. We’ve never had a future. If I get the job, it will take at least a month to go through all the interviews and make sure everything is good in Revival. So what’s the difference between one month and three? If anything, it’s better. You’re not being fair.”
The difference was he loved her, but that was his problem, not hers. He’d gone and changed the rules, not her. “You’re right. You’ve always been up front. You’re not to blame. This is on me. It’s my problem. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore.”