Page 118 of The Quit List

I’m proud of how she’s standing up for herself—for us—but something doesn’t feel right about that sentiment when it comes to what we have. This is so much more than just seeing where it goes.

“We’re going to make it work,” I add, shrugging off his “aspirational” insult. When he comes at me, it’s laughable. It’s when he comes at Holly that I want to knock him out.

As if he hears this, he turns to her with a dangerous smile and claps his hands like she’s a chicken. “Holly, now that you’ve finished saying goodbye to your boyfriend here, you better get inside. Raquel is having an issue with one of the room blocks for the Herman-Schultz wedding next month.”

“I—” Holly starts to protest, and Dylan’s lips thin as he wags a finger at her.

“Your shift started one minute ago, Holly. Not setting a great example, being late for work after a vacation, is it.”

My fists clench by my sides and I’m a second away from giving the guy a piece of my mind about the fact that Holly is injured and he’s acting like a jackass, when Holly gives me a little shake of her head. As if to say that it’s not worth it. And she’s right—he’s not worth it.

She gives me a final kiss goodbye and then heads towards the front door on her crutches, and I watch her leave, making sure she gets inside safely. Our goodbye was a little dampened by the presence of Willan but I couldn’t be more proud of my girl and the way she stood up for herself.

Meanwhile, Dylan is making no move to leave.

He just stands there, peering at me, and I, in turn, ignore him completely.

It’s only once Holly’s safely inside and I’m about to get back into Edna that he finally speaks.

“Guess we’re not too different, you and me.”

I glance back at him, my glare cold as ice. “Excuse me?”

“We’re the same,” he says with ill-concealed delight as he fixes me with razor-sharp eyes. “I didn’t see it before, but I do now. And when she realizes that she’s always going to play second fiddle to a bunch of trees and rocks, she’ll remember where she really belongs.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Holly is my priority.”

“Yet here you are, saying goodbye to her.” His smile turns into a full blown Chucky-esque grin. “What you don’t understand, Jax, is that this whole new-fangled hiking and camping and broken-ankle adventures and being late for work thing is not who Holly is. I know Holly. And most importantly, I know what she really wants. I have what she really wants. So she can enjoy slumming it on this little… detour right now, but we both know she’ll be back on course soon.”

“You don’t know a thing, Dylan,” I tell him.

And then I leave, before I have to listen to one more word out of this idiot’s mouth.

43

JAX

My jaw clenches almost painfully as I drive towards Seb and Maddie’s apartment building, and though I’m trying with everything in me to let Dylan’s venomous words affect me, I keep catching on one thing he said:

I have what she really wants.

What a guy.

A guy who fills Holly’s original hit list, but he’s all wrong for her. She doesn’t want him or need him—I know this as well as I know my own name. But still, something’s niggling at me.

Holly is my priority and I want nothing more than to make it work with her. But it’s not like I have any personal experience with committed relationships—I’ve always guarded my heart, and giving it to someone is a whole new experience. Of course, I’ve seen Seb and Maddie’s relationship, but when push comes to shove, I’m not sure I can be that person for someone.

What if my heart isn’t enough for her when I’m gone so much?

I can’t bear to think that Holly might feel like a second fiddle to my guiding lifestyle. It’s not like I can drive to her place every night when I have guests staying with me at the cabin.

It seems exceedingly ironic that I’ve always been content as a lone wolf, that I’ve spent years saving up to execute this plan so I can uproot my life in Atlanta and pursue a solo life in the wilderness. And now, it’s coming to fruition at the exact moment that I meet someone I want to put down roots for. Want to change my forever-solo ways for.

My hands tighten on Edna’s steering wheel at the thought of Dylan getting to see her every day, while I miss her.

I’m jealous, and my sister was right—it’s not a good look on me.

When I get to Maddie’s apartment, the door flies open before I can even knock. “You’re here!”