Page 18 of The Quit List
“Deer?” Maddie clarifies. “Like, Bambi?”
“The deer weren’t the problem, exactly.” I pick up a fry. Break it in half. “She was convinced that a bear would be along any minute to make a meal of the deer, and then, by proxy, us.”
Seb bursts out laughing.
“She was so freaked out, she started screaming and dug her nails—freshly-manicured nails, mind you—into my arms, and well, voila.” I gesture down at the scratches. “Let’s just say that I shan’t be seeing Laurel again anytime this century.”
My brother-in-law only laughs harder. “Oh, I would have paid good money to see that!”
Meanwhile, Maddie tuts. “You’re gonna need to put some hydrogen peroxide on those deep ones. But why on earth did you take her hiking in the first place? The wilderness is no place for a date.” She shudders.
“That, I have now realized with startling clarity. I’m as scarred mentally as I am physically,” I joke. “But at least now, I know that I will never, ever take someone I’m seeing to do anything outdoorsy again.”
Maddie frowns. “I just meant that you shouldn’t take any more girls who don’t enjoy the outdoors. Your future wife will obviously have to be into all that weird nature stuff.”
“Future wife?” I raise a brow at her, and she sticks her tongue out at me.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” my sister grouches. “Marriage isn’t for you and commitment sucks, and so on.”
“Exactly.” I point from her to Seb. “You two are an exception, of course. Because I would have happily married Seb myself.”
He claps my shoulder with a grin. “Feeling’s mutual, my man.”
“Sometimes I feel like the third wheel with you two.” Maddie pouts. “And honestly, Jax, I think you should think about dating someone who might actually be compatible with you, long term. You need more company than only Rick on all those multi-day trips you take to the middle of nowhere, even just for safety’s sake.” She glances down at my dog. “No offense, Rick.”
“He takes plenty of offense,” I say lightly as my mind, for some reason, jumps back to that night a couple weeks ago when I helped that woman Holly in the bar…
She would spend every weekend searching for a soulmate with no luck, looking more and more downtrodden as the dates went by. Sounds way more miserable than flying solo to me.
Though she hasn’t been back to Full Moon for any more terrible dinner dates with ‘roided up sociopaths, I have seen her drop by the bar to have a quick drink with a couple of different guys, so I can only hope that she’s taken my advice and is lowering the stakes of her first dates. And that she hasn’t, in fact, been chopped up into pieces by her Lyft driver, like she insinuated might happen.
“Well, my point stands,” Maddie says decisively, sticking her fork into her pickle and dipping it into Seb’s little pot of coffee cream before popping it into her mouth. Has she lost her mind? “You would do well to have someone with you who’d be able to dial 911 with her human fingers if one of you does, by chance, stumble upon one of these magical ravines.”
“You sound like your mother with all that talk,” I tell Maddie with a roll of my eyes. Her mom is my dad’s second wife. Unluckily for her.
“Eek!” Her hand flies to her mouth. “You’re right, I do. Gross. And I sincerely apologize.”
“Apology accepted.”
Maddie gives me a smile and a nod, and then glances quickly at Seb. Meanwhile, I shift in my seat, my stomach clenching.
I’ve indulged them with the Laurel story. We’ve pretty much wrapped up with lunch.
It’s now or never.
“So, look—” I start, right as Maddie says, “We have?—”
She presses her lips together and gives her head a shake. “Sorry. You go first.”
I take a deep breath, weirdly nervous. I knew I’d have to tell them sometime, and I have the feeling I have to get this out now before I lose my nerve. “Actually, on the topic of me spending a ton of time in the backcountry alone, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you guys…”
I shove my stubby fry in the pool of ketchup and swirl it around. As close as I am to Maddie, and as much as I like my new brother-in-law, there are some things I just don’t like to share. Talking about myself doesn’t come naturally, and when I try new things or set my mind to new endeavors, I prefer to keep my cards close to my chest. Let people think or assume that I have no ambitions outside of bartending and exploring the wilds.
I think, deep down, I’m scared of failure. The less people see you try, the less you can potentially fail. I’m sure it has something to do with the way my father brought me up, but honestly, that’s a scab I prefer to leave alone. Picking at that particular personality trait of mine is not something I’m keen to do.
Right now, though, I don’t have a choice. Part of making my dream a reality is telling the people closest to me about my plans. And, apparently, not being afraid to ask for help.
“What is it?” Maddie claps her hands.