Page 54 of The Quit List

But I don’t get a word in edgewise because Mindy is still going. “Luke’s older brother Liam insisted that he was never getting married or settling down, but then, he fell so hard for his now-wife that he practically broke his face in two.” She grins. “Literally. He quite literally fainted when he proposed to Annie. They ended up in the ER so he could get his eye stitched up.”

Of course he did.

“Why do all of these love stories seem to involve the ER?” I grouch, thinking of Aubrey. “I need to find myself a hot doctor to stitch me up and fall in love with me.”

“Well, if that’s what you want, can’t you filter by profession on that dating app you’re obsessed with?”

My eyes widen as I reach for my phone. “Mindy, you’re a genius!”

But then, I pause, my eyes flickering over to Jax. And I think of what he and I just spoke about on the mountain.

Because now, thanks to his coaching, I’m not sure if what I thought I wanted in a man is what I actually want.

Or at least, I’m seeing what I want with a new perspective—that while finding a doctor in his thirties who wants to settle down and have a family is a nice thought, I also need to make sure that I’m considering much more than these external qualities—superlatives, really—when thinking about my romantic future.

It does make me wonder about Jax, though. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a romantic relationship, but he doesn’t seem to be the callous player I first thought he was. He’s honest and funny and charming and obviously good with kids (after some time with them). He has a great personality and has so many qualities I like, and we do get along really well…

“Luke’s brother changed his mind?” I ask her.

“When he met the right person.” Mindy winks at me knowingly. “The right person can change everything. Luke and I are a prime example of that, too.”

She’s not wrong. From what I know, those two were both wilder than wild before they found each other. And while some people never change (ahem, Sabrina), others might just need to find the right person to see things differently.

I’m chewing this over in my mind when Jax walks over with a glass of wine in each hand for us. “Here we go.”

Mindy takes the glass, then looks at him with the scariest eyes I’ve ever seen. “So, Jax, you got a girlfriend? Wife? Long list of ex-lovers?”

I feel my entire face flush bright red. “You don’t have to answer that. Mindy is insane.”

Jax laughs easily. “None of the above.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Mindy smirks.

But he takes it in stride. “I’m more into keeping things casual. I don’t see myself ever getting into a long-term relationship or marriage. I mean, it works for other people obviously. But it’s not for me.”

He says this with strength, certainty. Confidence in what he wants.

And just like that, I realize that Mindy’s not the one being insane. I am.

I’m trying to change some things in my life, but that doesn’t mean that Jax is suddenly going to change and become a potential romantic prospect for me. He’s helping me, and that’s all.

My hit list may not be watertight, but I have to face the literal facts: Jax doesn’t want marriage, or kids, or even to settle down, anytime in his future. And I’m not going to make the same mistake of developing feelings for a guy who can never love me back the way I want to be loved, all because I’m being dumb enough to think that the other person might change their mind.

This journey is about me. Finding what I want. Focusing on my plan, my quit list… and not the hot guy helping me execute said quit list.

Quit while you’re ahead, Holly.

The only way I’ll stay ahead with Jax is to remember that he’s my dating coach, and keep said dating coach firmly in the friendzone.

With a determined nod to myself, I open Spark on my phone and click onto my profile—complete with my cute new taco-wielding profile pic and adventure-loving bio. And then, I type ‘doctor’ in the search bar.

19

JAX

Over the next couple of weeks, I don’t see Holly much. I split most of my time between my shifts at the bar and driving to and from my cabin, where the renovations are coming along slowly but surely.

Thanks to my website—which is now live, but still lacking good imagery and video content—I’ve had some interest, which is great. But I need to have somewhere for these people to sleep before I can start opening up bookings.