Page 14 of June First
A stray.
A loser.
I spent so long in the bathroom crying in one of the empty stalls that Principal Seymour came in searching for me and brought me to his office. He gave me a little paper cup of water and a lollipop, then told me to sit down in his oversized rolling chair until I felt better.
The lollipop was purple.
I dropped it into the garbage can when he wasn’t looking.
Principal Seymour called Theo’s mom, telling her all about what happened. She picked me up from school early, and we rode the whole way back to the house in silence as June squeezed my finger beside me in her car seat. It was the only thing that made my heart hurt a little bit less.
It’s still quiet at the table as I mush my cottage cheese with a fork, only pretending to eat it. I wonder if it’s so quiet because Mr. and Mrs. Bailey are mad at me for going to the principal’s office.
Theo’s voice bursts to life beside me as he shovels bites of chicken into his mouth. He talks through his chews, announcing, “I’m the student of the week. I have to make a poster board all about my life.” He kicks his legs back and forth underneath the table. “That’s pretty cool, huh?”
Mrs. Bailey dabs at her mouth with a napkin. Her hair is pulled up into a giant bun with a pen sticking out of it. There’s always a pen in her hair, sometimes two or three. She says it’s because she’s always misplacing them, and you never know when you might need a pen. “How exciting, sweetheart. I’ll pick up the supplies tomorrow and take the disposable camera in to print out some photos for your board.”
“Can you take a picture of me and Brant? Since he’s my new brother?”
I frown as my utensil clangs against the plate. “I’m not your brother.”
“Yes, you are. Mom said so.”
“No, I’m not. I’m your friend, and I’m just sleeping over for a while until I can go live at my house again.”
Silence settles in.
Theo makes a weird face, then shrugs, taking in another mouthful of chicken. I glance up at his parents, and they’re both staring at their plates, looking like they want to say something but don’t know what.
Mr. Bailey finally clears his throat. “Brant…you won’t be going back to your old house. Nobody lives there anymore. Your new home is here, with us.” He says it gently, but the words sound so sharp and callous. So final. “Do you understand, son?”
Son.
No, that’s not right.
“I’m not your son, Mr. Bailey. My parents are Caroline and Lucas Elliott.”
Theo’s mom chews her bottom lip with her teeth, then pulls the pen out of her mound of hair, twirling it between her fingertips. She doesn’t write anything with it. She just spins it in circles, back and forth, like it’s helping her think. “Brant, honey, I know this is difficult. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you—”
“Can I be excused?” The question spills out of me, and I push my uneaten plate away.
They glance at each other before Mr. Bailey gives me a small nod.
I leap from my chair and race down the long hallway to the room I share with Theo. June is taking a nap in her rocker, so I slow my steps when I pass her nursery, sparing her a quick peek. She looks so peaceful, so innocent, and I wonder what she’s dreaming about. Maybe her dreams are filled with visions of bluebirds flying high over the rainbow, just like I used to dream about whenever Mom would sing me that lullaby song.
I wonder if she’s dreaming about her parents who love her—who are still alive to tell her that they love her—and I wonder if maybe she’s the one flying high over the rainbow, as free as a beautiful bird, without any worries or fears.
And then I wonder…
Why, oh why, can’t I?
A nightmare found me.
A terrible, ugly nightmare found me in the middle of the night, one that scared me so much I climbed out of my bed, soaked with sweat, and did a bad thing.
I took June.
Mrs. Bailey lets her sleep in her rocker or swing some nights. She says it’s because June will wake up if she’s placed inside her crib, and then she’ll never go back to sleep…and Mrs. Bailey really likes sleep.