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Tara took a cautious step forward, then dropped to the floor, lowering to her knees in front of me as she discarded the oatmeal. “I’m really going to miss you, but this will be good for you, Hals.”
My face remained expressionless as I tossed a pair of sandals into the overcrammed box. I couldn’t scrounge up the effort to force a smile, but I didn’t want to throw my anger at her, either.
The truth?
I was angry.
I was pissed off and fuming.
There wasn’t a single part of me that sympathized or understood Tara’s feelings in regard to her father. How she could accuse him of grooming me—of being a monster and a predator—was beyond my comprehension. My anger and confusion had only heightened in the days since everything imploded, while we lived together, slept in the same bed, and participated in lackluster conversation that did little to soften my edges.
It didn’t make sense.
Never, in my wildest dreams, did I imagine the scenario playing out like this. I thought, surely, Tara would hate me. Blame me.
Never Reed.
Never her own dad.
It was almost funny how I was so concerned with Tara turning her back on me, cutting me out of her life, slapping the label of “traitor” on me…when, in reality, I was the one doing that very thing to her.
“I know,” was the only response I could muster.
Tara sighed. “Mom has a lot of connections with therapists and psychologists, you know. Maybe it would be smart to talk to someone before you leave. So you can start over with a clear head.”
I froze. My hand halted midway to the box, my fingers squeezing a tie-dye T-shirt with bleached knuckles. She thought I was broken. She thought I’d been brainwashed by a man who’d only ever had my best interest in mind. Who’d only ever loved, cared, nurtured, and provided for me.
For both of us.
It sickened me.
Teeth clenched tight, I shook my head, releasing the shirt and watching it splash across the pile of outfits in vivid color. I slammed the folds on the box, hiding it all away. “I don’t need to talk to anyone, Tara. I’m not a victim. I’m not defective.”
“Hals, this is more complicated than you realize.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t want to have this conversation again.”
“That’s because you don’t understand. You can’t see the truth yet.” Her features buckled, sadness seeping into her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave like this. I want to fix things.”
There was only one way to fix this, and that was for Tara to see the truth. To scrub the rot from her mind and see what was right in front of her, clear as day. Slowly, I panned my eyes up, my lightless ones peering into glistening jade. “Then fix it,” I said flatly. “Tell me you jumped to ridiculous conclusions. Admit that you latched onto the most heinous, unrealistic explanation in a moment of blindside and you regret ever branding your father a monster.”
Darkness flickered across her face, dimming her eyes. “I can’t do that.”
“Then that’s that.” I pulled myself up and stalked out of the room.
She gave chase. “Halley, stop. Wait.”
“I need to get ready for work. There’s a wedding this afternoon.”
“I’m on your side,” she called out, her voice heightening with desperation.
I balled my fists to stones and whirled around, facing her in the center of the hallway. “You’re not on my side. If you were, you’d put your misguided beliefs aside for one goddamn second and try to understand me. Your dad didn’t take advantage of me. He saw me. As an equal. As a woman.”
“I do understand you. Believe me, I do.” A huff of frustration expelled from her lips. “I’m not blaming you for feeling that way, or for you believing wholeheartedly that you love him. He manipulated your feelings. Older men have a way of doing that.”
“That’s bullshit,” I spit out. “You’ve always been the one to say I’m so much older, so much wiser than you. Why can’t you trust that now? Why can’t you trust that I’m a woman capable of reasonable thoughts? I’m a victim, yes, but Reed has never been my abuser. He’s been my savior. And maybe I do need therapy, but it has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with my disgusting, worthless father who almost put me in the ground before I ever had a chance to experience true love.”
Out of breath, I shoved pieces of hair out of my face, then slammed the heels of my palms to my eyes to prevent the tears from leaking out.