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Her lips pursed to the side as she glanced at me. “You still love her, don’t you?”
The question sent a flame through me. My skin heated, my heart scorched, and only the truth spilled out like a river bursting its banks. “More than I can say.”
Tara stared at me, her expression creasing with every emotion.
“How do you feel about that?” I prompted.
She blinked at me. “How do I feel knowing my father is having sex with my best friend?”
I lowered my eyes to the charcoal-gray rug beneath my boots. “Was.”
“Was what?”
“I was sleeping with her. That’s been over for two years.”
“Because of me.”
“Yes,” I confirmed softly. “Because of you.”
Tara lunged up from the couch, swinging her head back and forth, her brown hair spilling over her shoulders. “That’s not fair. Why do I feel like the bad guy here when you were the one fooling around with a seventeen year old behind everyone’s back?”
“She was nineteen.”
“Seventeen when you met. That’s fucked-up, Dad.”
Dad.
I hadn’t heard that title in years. One little syllable had the power to bring me to my knees. My eyes watered, the rest of her spiel becoming background static.
Biting her lip, she took in my expression, a softness coasting across her face. Then she shook it off. “I never thought you’d still love her after all this time.”
“Why? You do.”
Her eyes flared, almost like she’d never taken the time to put the pieces together like that. I’d been the damaged piece. The chewed-up, broken piece that didn’t fit into the puzzle. Everyone was allowed to love Halley except for me.
“That’s different,” she said.
“How is it different?”
“You know how it’s different. You’re double her age.” Swallowing, she glanced away. “I realize you didn’t know all the details about Stacy. I told Mom, but I never told you. But that doesn’t change the situation. I can’t ignore the parallels and how it makes me feel.”
My mind wheeled back in time to standing in that living room with Halley latched on to my arm, begging me to defend what we both knew was real. But it hadn’t been the time for truth. If I hadn’t done what I did then, Tara would have abandoned us both.
I’d been certain of it.
Now, two years later, the truth felt like the only thing left to say.
I took one more step forward, watching as Tara crossed her arms, defensively. I had to break through her shield. “Tara, listen to me.” My voice lowered, imploring her to listen. “I love Halley because it’s impossible not to. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t even wanted. It just happened. And I’m sorry this affected you so profoundly; I’m so damn sorry for that. I had no idea how deep the situation went back in Charleston. If I had, I would have done it all differently. I wouldn’t have filled your head with that untrue shit.” I closed my eyes, breathing out through my nose. “But I see what you see. A strong, capable, resilient woman. I never viewed her as a teenager or a broken soul who needed fixing. She just needed guidance. Love. Someone to believe in her. And that was you, me, and your mother. My love just came with consequences.”
Tara’s eyes flicked over my face, her lips twitching. “I’ve tried, Dad. I’ve been trying so hard to understand this. I promised Halley I would, and I didn’t lie. I just…” Tears welled in her eyes. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I’d been so clueless to what happened with Stacy and our teacher, so stupidly ignorant, and I promised myself I would never allow that to happen again. Not to anyone, especially my friend.”
“Tara, it’s not the same. God, it’s not even close.”
“You hurt me.” She gritted her teeth, trying to hold back her heartbreak. “I trusted you. More than anyone in the world.”
My shoulders slackened. Two years of tension slipped away at the sound of her voice breaking, her words cracking. Finally, something other than steely detachment poured out of her, and all I wanted to do was mold it into something sweeter. Something we could use to make this right.
I lifted a hand and stepped forward.