Page 60 of The Tryst List
It doesn’t mean I’ll be able to hide from the people whom I love and trust implicitly. Nor do I want to. “Truthfully, we’re working through some issues. Trust, communication. It’s been a lot.”
Everyone in the group is married, so they get it.
“Long-distance relationships test even the strongest bonds.” Fiona understands more than most, given her history with Zane. “If it’s important to the both of you, love will find a way.”
My mom reaches over to squeeze my hand. “You’re strong enough to get through anything, Jordy. You always have been.”
Jen, who’s been quietly listening, as is her nature, chimes in with her characteristic directness. “You want it to work, don’t you? I mean, you two looked like you're in love.”
My mind drifts to the recent texts Peter and I have been exchanging. Despite the constant communication, the time difference and his focus on the project often leave our conversations feeling strained, almost perfunctory.
“I dunno.” I lean back in my patio chair. “I don't think a long-distance relationship is viable for us.”
As the conversation continues, and the ladies share stories and advice, I find myself focused on the children playing nearby. The six older kids shriek and laugh in the play area. They're carefree and full of life. Watching them stirs my longing for a family of my own one day. Of sharing my life with someone I love.
Except, as I think about Peter and this project, we’re facing years of separation if I don't move with him. My life is entrenched here in Seattle. I can’t help but feel a sense of resignation.
I love him, yes, but love alone isn’t always enough to bridge the gap of miles and conflicting schedules. We wanted to see if our lives meshed. Well, we’re failing. Our relationship won’t survive my trust issues and long distance.
It's sobering.
Becca tugs on my sleeve. “Earth to Jordan. Jen asked you a question. Do you see yourself with Peter long-term?”
I glance at the group of women who are my ride-or-dies. Tears fill my eyes. “I’d love a future with him, but I’m not sure it’s possible. I'm so sad.”
The ladies nod sympathetically, understanding the crossroads I’m at. Everyone’s been there.
Zoey gives me a side-hug. “Sometimes the hardest—and stupidest—decisions are letting go if you don’t want to. If I can give you some unsolicited advice, which would have saved me years of agony, insurmountable problems seem that way without communication. Make sure you talk to him until you've exhausted all available avenues. Don't stew on this alone. Fight with him, not against him before you decide to end it for good. I saw the two of you and there’s something there.”
Her advice is good, but my strained smile probably signifies to the group I'm tapped out because the next thing I know the ladies have shifted focus to the upcoming LTZ tour. The laughter and chatter around me fade into the background as I grapple with Zoey's wise words and the growing realization Peter and I need to talk. Really talk.
“Excuse me, ladies. Gotta pee.” I get up and dash inside the house, fully intending to call Peter.
Before I dial, I take a moment to gather my thoughts in the quiet of the foyer only to be interrupted by my pops, who skips down the stairs. When he notices me standing with my arms wrapped around myself, a look of concern blooms on his face.
For a man whose business acumen is revered throughout the world and is a role model for entrepreneurs everywhere, my dad always had time for me and my siblings. He once wrote about the importance of balancing work and family life in his best-selling book, a value he learned the hard way but now holds dear.
“Jordan.” He embraces me and rubs my head the way he’s always done since I was little. “I was hoping to get some father-daughter time to catch up with you. How’s Peter? How are things in London?”
I’m slightly annoyed everyone in my inner circle is focused on my love life. Now my dad? Refraining from rolling my eyes, I shrug. “Things with Peter aren’t great. We’re on a break, I guess. The distance. His project in London…it’s been tough.”
“Project SoHo.” He nods. “Did you know I’m on—or was on—the selection committee? I recused myself as soon as you two started dating.”
I’m so surprised I nearly stumble. “Wait. You knew about the project because you’re part of it?”
“That’s right. Obviously, I couldn’t tell Peter because of my fiduciary obligations.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides us into his study. “But, since you and I have father-daughter privilege let me say, the VA/VT proposal is one of the most impressive presentations I’ve ever seen. It’s out of my hands, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s awarded the gig.”
Holy shit. It makes sense. My pops does a lot of cool stuff all over the world.
“I’m sorry it’s causing a strain between you two.” He sits behind his desk, steeples his fingers and studies me.
I sink into the chair opposite from him. “No, it’s more than the project, Pops. It’s more about the lack of communication on his part. Our trust issues go way back to when we first met. He’s a good man with a challenging background. He loves me. I love him but…”
“Jordan, let me tell you a story which might help, it might not, but humor your old man.” He leans back and rests his feet on the desk. “When you were an infant, before Jen and Jace were born, your mother and I went through a very rough patch. After years of living in start-up mode with not a lot of money, my career was taking off. She was home with you and Jaylynn; I was getting a big head because everyone acted like I walked on water. I started to believe it. Rather than focusing on my wife and kids, I double and triple downed on work. Obviously, I couldn’t find the right balance.”
He pauses, a distant look in his eyes. “When your mom found out she was pregnant with you, we actually separated for a few months. She didn’t want to be a single mother raising kids with a dude who worked 24/7. It was one of the hardest times in my life. Everyone in the world gassed me up. Told me how great I was. Except one. Your mom. She loved all of me, flaws and all. My ego liked the idea of being around the gassers. But, when the person who mattered cut me loose, it made me realize something crucial—a career is important, yes. But family and love in all its messiness, that’s life.”
“So, what did you do?” Leave it to my pops, the great Jason Deveraux, to find words to resonate with me. Tears well up in my eyes for the second time today.