Page 76 of The Tryst List
Jordan squeezes my hand. “Dad, Mom. I know Peter has made a pretty big mistake, but it was a long time ago. We’ve talked about everything and we’re ready to face the fallout.”
Together, Jordan and I describe our plan, which involves a lot of disclosure, accountability, and a fair bit of groveling.
“Let me tell you something.” Jason leans back on the couch with his arm wrapped around his wife. “When I went through my own bout of shit right after Jordan was born, I felt a lot like you do. It’s not easy to know what the right thing to do is if you don’t have anyone modeling it for you. In my opinion, you must stand up to extortion. Exposing something you're not proud of is far easier than living with the fear of it being exposed.
Grace leans forward and pats my knee. “It’s true. Because none of us is perfect. What’s important is how we grow, learn, and move on. When our family faced a similar situation, Jason’s head of security told me giving in to blackmail only leads to more demands. It’s a never-ending cycle, as you’ve seen for yourself the past few years.”
I nod. “I have. Though there could be repercussions, if I take away the leverage, I’ll be able to reclaim my truth.”
“We’re not going to let anyone use a mistake to destroy you.” Jordan nods definitively. “Standing up to them is the only way.”
I feel a surge of gratitude for everyone’s support. “Thank you. Sincerely. I’ve let this fear control me for too long. I’m ready to face it head-on.”
The conversation continues for a couple hours. We discuss potential legal steps and strategies. Particularly, with respect to the fraudulent financial aid. It’s important for me to disclose and settle any potential claims which could be brought against me first. Deal with my family later. As we wrap up our discussion, I feel a renewed sense of purpose and determination.
As Jordan and I drive back to my condo from her parents’ house, the car is—once more—filled with a contemplative silence. Today’s discussions are a reminder of the tumultuous journey we’ve been on. I can’t help but feel a sense of resolve, a readiness to confront my past and rebuild, as long as Jordan is by my side.
Yet, I find myself grappling with a question that’s been haunting me. “Baby, I have to ask…after everything, why do you stay? What do you see in me?”
“Oh, Peter.” Jordan’s gaze is steady and full of warmth. “I see you. Not just your hotness. Or success. Or your magic cock. Or your mistakes, even. I’ve always seen who you are at your core, even if you couldn’t see it yourself. It’s so fucking sexy you’re not running from your past. It means you accept yourself for everything you are—attributes, flaws, whatever.”
I shake my head, still struggling to understand. “Sure, but with everything coming to light, I might lose so much. My reputation, my career…”
“What if the situation were reversed?” She squeezes my thigh reassuringly. “You'd say, whatever obstacles come up, facing your past, being willing to make amends and learning from the experience are what matters.”
I let her words sink in. Jordan’s so fucking perceptive. “What about the repercussions? What if I have to start over?”
“Then we’ll face it head-on.” Her faith in me, unwavering and sincere, fills me with a sense of peace I’m not sure I’ve ever known.
I bring her fingers to my lips and kiss her knuckles. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, baby. I realized something in there. My tendency to hold back, to hide things…it’s how I’ve always protected myself from the people closest to me. Until I met you I didn’t realize how fucked-up my approach was.”
“I’m glad you finally see it.” Jordan smiles warmly.
“I want to start therapy.” The words feel both scary and liberating. “I overheard Ty talking about his own past and, truth be told, the abuse I’ve endured may not be physical, but I can see it for what it is. For the good of our relationship, I’m committed to work through my issues so I don’t fall into these shitty patterns. I want to be a better partner to you and, once we get through all of this, a good parent someday. Your mom and dad are awesome.”
As we continue our drive, Jordan and I talk about our dreams, fears, and hopes for the future. We discuss the practicalities of potentially moving to London, of starting over if necessary, and of building a life reflecting who we are and what we value.
The road ahead may be uncertain, but as I listen to Jordan’s voice, steady and sure, I feel a profound sense of gratitude.
Every day we’re together, life gets better.
I’m committed to becoming a better man.
For her, for myself, and for our future.
Chapter thirty-two
Jordan
Three Months Later
I’m bone tired, but I wouldn’t miss tonight for the world.
My girlfriends and I haven’t hung out in months because our schedules are getting crazier and crazier. Tonight, all of us happen to be in town so, even if it’s only a couple of hours, I’m not going to miss the opportunity to catch up.
Merc locks up while I set the alarm. I sling my arm through his and as we walk two blocks to The Nook, a cozy neighborhood joint, the friendly banter starts almost immediately.
“So, Jordy, remember when you couldn’t stand the sight of Peter?” Merc’s ever-present mischievous grin is in full force. “ Look at you two, all ‘solid as a rock’ and shit.”