Page 18 of The Weight of Love
Hearing her talk in not-so-veiled references to that night with Gran should shame me more. Somehow, it’s thrown me even more.
As we walk silently out to the car, my body is intensely aware of her nearness. It’s like being lit on fire from the inside.
As I slow my pace and reach for the car door, she steps between me and the door. She looks up at me with her eyes searching mine. They’re so much bluer today in the sunlight.
She’s wearing an oversized navy blue T-shirt over simple cut-off shorts, and she looks better than I remember.
“Hey ‘fam,’“ she teases, “have you actually listened to that band yet? Or are you ignoring me now? What happened to being friends?”
Her nearness is making it harder and harder for me to think rationally. I want so badly to kiss her. I want her so much closer, but I know it’s an awful idea.
“I’m sorry. I suck.”
She turns and moves to open the car door without me again. She bends to pull a case of apples out of the backseat, and it brings her ass within inches of me.
The shorts accentuate how much work she’s been putting in at the gym. Every ounce of self-control is flooding out of my body. I need her closer. It’s not even a want. That’s the part that’s the most disturbing for me.
Before my willpower dies, she straightens up and turns to me with a sad smile. I hate that I may be the reason for it.
“Deployment doesn’t mean you have to bail, you know. We can still talk. I swear, I won’t bite unless you ask me to.”
I’m struck more by how serious she looks at that moment than I am by the nearness of her body. Maybe I was misreading the situation? Did our night mean more to her than just meaningless sex? It had far too much meaning for me, but perhaps she wasn’t as detached as I thought.
She’s moving away, so I grab Gran’s other two cases of food and turn to follow Stella back towards the booths.
“So, how do you know Graham?”
She asks the question as we walk without making eye contact, but I can’t stop staring at her.
“Oh, he was like the older brother I never had but wished I did. He’s why I enlisted. He helped me when I was trying to help raise my brother and then find a life outside of here. Gran landed with us, but she always had to take off to help her sister with her health. How about you?”
“We went to high school together.”
I’m lost in my thoughts for the moment, and I almost run right into her when she stops walking dead in front of me.
“Goodness, where’s your head today? You’ll run that sweet girl over if you’re not careful.”
Stella placed her crate down and turned to Gran with a beaming smile.
“It’s okay, Gran. I think I can take him, don’t you?”
My breath catches as she winks at Gran like they are grand conspirators.
“Oh definitely, I’ll put my money on you. You’re a feisty one like me. It’s us short ladies they need to be careful of.”
“Definitely. I think you’re my new hero, Gran. From what Clark’s told me, if I aspire to be even half the woman you are, I’ll be doing more than alright in the world. I only hope I can age as gracefully as you have.”
I have never told her about Gran; what the heck? How does she do that with people? Gran’s eating it up.
“Oh goodness,” Gran chuckles, “You are a charmer. I like this one. I don’t think I can remember a time I’ve seen Clark look at someone like this, either. It’s nice to see. I worry about him.”
And now I could use the ground opening up and swallowing me whole. Smite me? Comet falling from the sky? No?
“He’s definitely something special in his own right. I’m sure he’ll be fine. It was a pleasure to finally meet you. I have to finish helping with the makeup, but I hope to see you again sometime. Clark, see you at the gym later? Really could use some cardio.”
Gran and I watch her retreat. She is so different outside of the gym. The firecracker energy is still there, but I wonder if she’s always so quick to charm people with that false version of herself.
“You’re a fool if you let that one get away, Honey. She’s something else.”