Page 41 of XX Love Affair

“I think you’re into this train of thought. Let’s ride it to its inevitable destination.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Sighing, Delia plainly said, “You don’t like authority. You don’t like being told what to do. You’re the master of your destiny, and you can be a bit of a bitch about it, huh? Which means the perfect roleplay for you is having all of that turned around. Not only that, but you get off on it. Like knees wobbling, arms shuddering, teeth chattering pleasure. Because half of all things sex is psychological anyway.”

“Fine. What kind of roleplay do you see us doing tonight?”

Delia probably put more thought into that than necessary. “Something where I don’t have to talk very much.”

“I see. What would get you off, exactly?”

“Being punished, apparently.”

“In what way?”

“In whatever way you think I deserve.”

Delia studied the way Helena held herself in the corner of the couch, both living in the moment and a million miles away. She was only a few years removed from high school. Even when Delia accounted for the pandemic and homeschooling, that still meant most of Helena’s formative years were spent in the traditional school setting.

It made her wonder…

“Were you, by chance, the mean girl at your school? The bully? The pain in everyone’s ass, including the teachers?”

Helena shrugged. “There were girls who didn’t like me because I was pretty blunt and didn’t like to be bothered. But I didn’t go out of my way to be mean to people. I don’t think so, anyway. I’m sure some have different stories…” She hesitated, a touch of pink on her cheeks. Did she regret something? Remember something? Something unflattering? Whose life had Helena tried to ruin? And could Delia relate? I wasn’t exactly an angel in high school. “Believe it or not, I had leadership positions in school. I was captain of my varsity soccer team.”

“Really? Was that elected?”

“Yup. Because they knew I could take them to state, not because they liked me.”

“Did you go to state?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Did you win?”

Helena nodded. “That’s how I got my full-ride scholarship. Being the captain of a championship soccer team gets you attention. Now I’m stuck with it. If I want to keep my scholarship, I have to play for the school. Every autumn is dedicated to nothing but soccer. I’m kind of over it already, but it is what it is.”

Interesting. Delia would have never pegged Helena as the captain of a soccer team, let alone varsity and championship. At most, she was a popular girl who flew solo. Or she was the one bullied by girls who thought themselves better than her.

Delia could work with that, though.

“You don’t appreciate what you have.” Her fingers drummed against Helena’s shoulder as she edged closer, the young woman crossing her arms and looking away, as if she were above such an assessment. “Oh, I know all about that. We may have different backgrounds, sweetie, but I know what it’s like to not appreciate whatever privileges I was graced with as a teenager. You didn’t have to grow up with a lot of money to learn that lesson. I bet a lot of your friends and classmates were envious of you. You’ve never been overweight, huh? Always athletic. Instantly good at whatever sport or academic pursuit you applied yourself to. Probably had more than one lucky kid crush on you for attention. Did you date in high school?”

Helena was stiff again, her eyes fogging over as she leaned in against Delia. “Only once. I made it count. I waited for someone who knew my worth and saw who I really was.”

“What happened? You’re obviously not together anymore.”

A pause almost opened a rift between them. “He fucked up.”

A boy? Delia was mildly surprised. Helena had the kind of chaotic sexual energy Delia applied to herself, a woman who had only been interested in other girls, even when she went through that “experimental” phase when a freshman in college. But she never put those one-night stands or one-week boyfriends on the same pedestal as some of the nameless girls she hooked up with before and after. They rocked her world, and she immortalized them in her memory.

This was a reminder to Delia Benoist that not everyone was like her. Some girls had very different experiences that led them down similar paths.

“What is it exactly that interests you in sex so much?”

Helena was so caught off guard that she balked. “Why would you ask that?”

“It drives a lot of your decision making. I’ve noticed that in the time we’ve spent together. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I’m reaping a lot of the benefits in this arrangement, and I do enjoy a great lay with a beautiful woman. I usually don’t care why she sleeps with me. I do my part, she does hers, and we have a good time. Sometimes we’re together for a while, other times it doesn’t last longer than a weekend. You, though? Something is simmering beneath your cool-girl demeanor, and I’m intrigued. You almost revere sex in a way I’ve never seen before. Not outside of…” She didn’t say it, but she thought it. Men.