Page 40 of Broken
“Maybe a change of clothes then, so you don’t go back to your daughter smelling of sex with ripped clothes?” His chivalry is showing again, fucking whiplash with this guy.
“Are you bipolar?” I blurt, “Do you realize the mood swings are a symptom? I don’t know if you’re coming or going.”
“Seriously? The mental breakdowns and manic behavior you had five years ago did a number on my fucking head. I’d watch you go from laughing to cutting your clothes off and breaking shit. And you think a little rough fuck and nice manners is considered bipolar?”
He’s got me there, I started medication after I had McKenna and I’m basically a different person mentally than I was then. Sort of, at least that’s what I tell myself in hopes of making it reality.
“After what you went through with Knox, I lost my fucking mind when I saw the two of you in here together, and I just couldn’t let it go, so, if you’re okay with it. I’d like to offer you a ride wherever so you can clean yourself up and get back to your daughter.” He holds a hand out for me, sparking memories of the good times we had together. The way he was, the kind soul mixed up with the dark soul. We were the light and dark, the polar opposites that melded together perfectly. Which is why I had to let him go in the first place.
“Fine, but only to the Inn. McKenna isn’t there anyway. She’s spending the night with someone.” I reply, taking his hand as he leads me out of the biology room. We run down the hall as if we’re still kids. Once we’re outside, I breathe in the fresh air. It doesn’t smell like it does back home. PNW air just hits differently than this shit here.
He helps me into the car and we take off, just like we did back then. I’m so fucking screwed. I’ll let him have one night, one. Then it’s back to reality. I have a daughter to take care of, and he’s not ready for a life with me. He’s still got big plans, and I’m still a burden.
When we’re at the Inn, I unlock the door and let him in a laugh on my lips as he bites and kisses at my neck. “Shower?” He asks. I point to the bathroom as he kicks the door shut.
“I can shower myself.” I tell him.
“I can’t.” he says, helping me to the bathroom, stripping my clothes off as we go. My jacket is long gone, then my shirt, and skirt. When all I’m left in is my boots, he flicks the light on, and I’m staring at myself in the mirror again.
The bitch is back, judging me for my choices. For keeping my secret from him. For letting him think there’s a chance when we both know it’ll never work. Not the way he wants it to.
“Come back.” West kisses my cheek, “You were staring.” His words are soft, leading me back to us. Where I don’t belong. “The shower’s ready.”
“‘kay.” I say, blinking back to reality. West lifts my leg and unzips my first boot, sliding it off my foot. Then repeats the motion with the other one. I let him help me further, why am I letting him take care of me. My mind is a jumbled mess. He makes me a jumbled mess. Feelings.
I don’t do feelings. I remind myself. He’s just another passerby, one that can help me get through the night.
LIES. My head screams, Westley Sherman will never just be another guy. He’s the father of my child, the only man I have ever loved. The only man to ever love me. I broke when he left, even if I pushed him away, but had to build myself up for McKenna.
He lathers soap into my black scrubby and washes my back, taking his time as he runs a hand over my body, one slow inch at a time. His arms wrap around me as I feel his front against my back, his cock pressing into my ass as I lean back. “So fucking beautiful.” He whispers into my ear.
“Stop West. No feelings.” I tell him, just as I did all those years ago. “I have a daughter to think about.”
“Fuck your no feelings rule, you feel this, I know you fucking do. It’s been the bane of my existence since I first tasted you.” Every fiber of my being belongs to my daughter, it always has. She’s what’s important, and throwing him in the mix just makes things messy. A mess I don’t think I could handle.
I close my eyes and just listen to his words, feeling them vibrate against my back. I know he’s right, he’s always been right. To him we are endgame, but how can we be endgame if there’s another player involved? One that he doesn’t know about outside of passing comments. We went from a two player game to a three player game.
While he was gone, I could handle my two player game. He was a distant thought, granted it rears its ugly head every single time I look at McKenna, she looks so much like him it’s uncanny. If he saw her, he would know. The knife twists in my gut when she asks about her father. Why doesn’t she have a daddy like her friends? I feel the tears swelling in my eyes and my throat burns, but I’ll be damned if I let them fall. I swallow hard, pushing those emotions back down where they belong.
When he looks into her face, it won’t be a secret anymore. I still don’t know why George hasn’t told him, holding it over my head for whatever sick and twisted reason he has, has forced many sleepless nights. What if he did tell him though? How would I handle it? Would it be easier than looking him in the eye and telling him that he has a piece of his heart walking around outside of his body?
“When do you pick McKenna back up?” He asks, resting his chin on the top of my head. His hands move languidly across my sides, tracing my rib cage like it’s the most normal thing in the world. I revel in his touch for a moment longer, this bubble we’re in is seconds away from the ground and the pop is going to be catastrophic.
“Tomorrow morning before we leave for the airport.”
“Airport?” He asks, shock in his tone.
“Yes, to go home. I’m not staying here any longer than I have to.” I need to get away from here, the memories are too much, the family drama is unhinged, not to mention, he has a fucking fiance that he’ll have to deal with. McKenna doesn’t need any of this in her life. She only knows peace and love, as that’s all I’ve ever given her.
“Where’s home?” His voice is soft, but I can hear the desperation in his voice.
“On the west coast without being coastal. Just like I always wanted.” A smile curves my lips as I think about the desert landscape and crisp morning air. I found a home, granted, it wasn’t what I wanted to start out with, but when I was eight months pregnant, it was the best I was going to get. However, the longer I stayed, the less I wanted to leave. It’s home.
“And where is that Kitty?”
“Eastern Washington-ish.” I answer vaguely. Eastern Washington is massive and tiny towns dot the area, it would be hard to pinpoint just one.
“That’s super helpful.”