Page 43 of Broken
"Hello!" McKenna squeals. "You're the guy from the pictures!" she giggles. My heart drops at the sight of him standing in my doorway.
Picking up my shoe, I put it on so I’m not so lopsided. "McKenna, you know better than to open the door. Back to your room and finish getting ready." She's got her pink dress on and it's not like she needs shoes. So asking her to finish getting ready makes no sense, but I’m not ready for this conversation.
"Momma, I am dressed." She says, turning her head to look at me as I close the gap between us.
"I'm McKenna." She holds a tiny hand out to West and I suck in a breath, waiting for someone to wake me up. This morning when I woke up, I didn’t see this happening. This was not on my bingo card for this year, or any year.
"Hello McKenna, I'm Westley." He squats down to her level, still standing in the door. "When's your birthday?" He asks.
"May second. I just had my birthday!" She cheers herself. "I'm four now."
"That's a mighty strong birthday." He says. "Is it alright if I talk to your momma alone for a minute?"
"Why?" She asks, looking from him to me. My heart is thundering in my chest, and I feel the bile rising in my throat. I'm going to be sick, this is not - why is he here?
"Well, we have some grown up things to talk about, and I'm not sure your Momma wants me to say some of these words in front of you."
"Ooooh, are you gonna say naughty words?" She tucks her hands into her pockets, yes, her dress has pockets, all of them do.
"Yes ma'am. So if you could ever so kindly, run along and play that'd be totally amazing." West holds up a high five and McKenna slaps her hand to his.
"Okay!" She dances her way down the hall and back to her room, shutting the door once she's inside.
Westley stands up, steps through the door and shuts it without saying a single word. Does he know? How did he find me? Why is he here? Fuck. What am I going to tell McKenna? I can feel the sweat on my palms as I just stare at him waiting for him to talk first, because he usually does.
"Katherine." He states my name, there is no tone to it, just a simple word escaping his mouth.
"Westley." I give him the same flat tone, leaving nothing on my tongue for him to guess how I'm feeling about this.
"McKenna?" This time, there's a tone as he lifts a brow at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"When? Four and half years ago when you wouldn't answer the phone, or the other night?" I cross my arms, as if I’m protecting myself from this line of questioning.
"The other night. I get why I wasn't told before, I fucked that all up. Hiding from you. I've had some time to think about it and after I saw your brother and dad, I was a little upset, but I'm fine now." He puts his hands on his hips, "I think at least."
"What happened when you saw my brother and father?" I ask, hoping to steer the questioning away from this whole thing. I’m not ready to introduce my daughter to him as her father.
"Well, first, I found Hilary riding your brother, although, I'm almost certain that wasn't the first or the twentieth time that has happened." He shakes his head in disbelief. “They fit together so much better.” Then relief washes over him, like he’s glad to have that behind him.
"Oh, I'm sorry?" I say, almost as if I’m asking if he’s actually hurt by this. Quickly lacing my fingers together behind my back I step one foot out and pop a hip.
"Don't be, I was never meant for her. She was not my end game." He lifts an eyebrow at me, giving me one of his half smiles that always seems to melt my insides.
"And you think I am?"
"I think you both are." He steps forward, pressing his forehead to mine. "My wife and my daughter. I belong here. I've always belonged here."
I will not cry.
"I don't know about that, Westley." I whisper. "I'm not as okay as I made it seem the other night, my head sometimes gets confused, I get lost. I've done better, found a way to-"
"I don't care, Kitty, you are mine, she is mine. This is where I belong. I have loved you for as long as I can remember, and I know you feel it too." He lifts his forehead off mine, and presses his lips there instead. "I know you do. Give us a real chance, not like you did before, leading me along for the summer just to crush me in the end. I want all the feelings Katherine. Every. Single. One."
I try to breathe, but there's a lump stuck in my throat, one that reminds me of why I shouldn't have gone home, of course I love him. I love him so much it scares me. So much that I pushed him away, I set him free so he didn't have to be bound to a woman who would never be okay. I'll always have demons to face, shadows to fight, and I didn't want to drag him down. "What if I'm too broken?" I ask.
“Broken just means different. It's a different view of life, we're all a little broken." I look up into those dark eyes, the ones that my daughter has and I can see it all now, everything life has to offer. He is mine and I am his. Forever and always. This is what broken is, different, and I can learn to live with that. As long as he's by my side. My heart melts as I lean into him, feeling the world fall away.
No feelings.