Page 67 of Out of Office
“Hey, Julín,” I greeted as I got in the car.
“What’s up,” was all he said, and the same silence permeated the vehicle until we arrived in Aguimar two hours later.
I hopped out of the car, grateful not to have to deal with Julín’s dry ass for hours, when Yiya cannonballed into me, robbing me of all the oxygen in my belly.
“Hey, pretty girl!” I smiled at her, feeling at home in this humble little space more than anywhere else besides when I was with Adri.
Claudia and the children all gathered around me with loud hellos, hugs, and kisses until we finally made our way to the fonda where Mario and Chichi were manning the space.
“I think Adrián is having second thoughts about marrying me,” I blurted out to Claudia as we settled to have lunch together. The children all had left to go to school right after saying hello.
“Girl, that man loves you. He ain’t going nowhere.” She waved my worry away. That was as ineffective as wearing mosquito repellent here at night. My worries had become a stomachache that threatened never to leave.
“No, moving the wedding date...it just. I could tell how hurt he was, but you know him...”
“Yeah, I do, which is why I know he ain’t going nowhere. The question is, are you going to do right by that? He is loyal. He’ll stick with you till the end.” She nodded and then got up as a group of workers came to have lunch.
She left me there with my plate of fried fish, as the flies took over my lunch that I couldn’t stomach finishing.
In a stark difference to when I had stayed during vacation, Claudia took advantage of my hands, putting me to work for the rest of the day. I cleaned a couple of rooms that needed to be readied for the weekend, and I hung some of the towels and linen needed for that stay. When it was time to go, I was exhausted, but the thoughts had blessedly calmed down to a buzz versus the loud chatter of yesterday.
“Claudia, I miss y’all. I know Adri misses you so bad.” I hugged her, letting her scent of fried goods, laundry detergent, and that mom smell that always lingered on her comfort me. My eyes prickled with unshed tears as the babies all said bye to me, Chichi and Mario waving from the entrance of la casita.
“Call me when you get in, alright? Julín, you too! And stop glaring at Genevieve. You’re so annoying.” Claudia popped Julín in the head, who ducked to avoid the oncoming hit.
“Yeah, okay, chao y’all. Chao, mandona!” Julín said and ran to the passenger side when Claudia tried swatting him for calling her bossy.
Not wanting to be rude, I hadn’t used my headphones on the way here, but expecting the same cold shoulder, I popped them in and got lost in my phone. After an hour of reviewing work emails, I was startled out of work mode to find Julín staring at me and then back at the road every few seconds.
I removed the earbuds and stared back. At this point I didn’t have a lot of politeness left for him.
“I’m not mad at you. I never was. I’m just who I am and can come across as an ass. Adrián is one of the few people that understands and lets me be me.”
“You mean lets you be rude?”
He shrugged and nodded.
“It’s a defense mechanism. Being gay...here it’s not always easy. Adri and I came out around the same time. Believe it or not, I was the tough one, always fighting at school and defending us both. He tried to talk things through with people. Get them to like him to the point that everyone forgot he liked men and women. They just loved him. But they didn’t realize what toll that took on him. Adrián is a giver, a people pleaser,” Julín said, matter-of-fact. My stomach contracted at his words, recognizing their validity.
“When he met you...he was just coming out of the deep sadness of losing his parents. And I’m sure he’s given you the workaholic speech, but Adri spent a lot of time in Colón. He basically took ten years to finish his degree because of how much he helped around in Aguimar. He focused on himself for a couple of years, and now he cannot forgive himself. Then once his parents passed, he decided to dedicate all of his time and efforts to Villa Bonita, and when I wanted to open a business, he supported that too. Do you know he gave every single cent of what he earned those successful years to people in the town that needed it? That is Adri. Few people know not to take advantage of that, so when you came...”
“I became someone that could potentially do that?”
“He loves you so much, I know that now, but I was worried at first that he was just going into the deep end to please you, then he decided to move and...” The silence was enough for me to understand. Adrián had given his life as he knew it in order for me to continue my career. I could have moved to Panamá. We both loved it here. But we defaulted to my city, my career, putting him through a rigorous immigration process he never asked for. All for me to stay comfortable.
“I get it... I do.”
“He called me about the wedding. And about the job. That job would have allowed him to come to Panamá a lot, but he’s about to decline it...for the sake of your marriage and what he envisions to be the right balance between you two. The balance you won’t get with your career,” Julín said, and I expected the words to sting, but he said it with no malice. I sat there seeing things from Julín’s perspective. He was still an ass, but I understood him better now. He was just hella protective of his friend.
“Do you love him?” I asked quietly.
“Not like people think I do. I have my phobias to conquer, and bisexuality is not something I always understood in him. I thought that was his people-pleasing side rearing its head. Being with women...made his family at ease, even if they knew about his occasional relationships with men. But when I see him with you... I get it. I’ve never been in love with Adri. I just wanted him to live his truth without having to please anyone.” Julín shrugged, and I sat there with all this knowledge and all these questions swirling in my head.
Night settled as Julín rode into the driveway at Tropics, watching me expectantly.
“Thanks so much, Julín. I thought you were an asshole...”
“Damn.” He reared back.