Page 74 of Passing Notes
“Huh? Yes. Well, kind of, but mostly no. Not really.”
“That made total sense,” Willa cracked.
My head flopped forward and I let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know where to begin with this.”
“One thing at a time.” Leo patted my leg and offered me a cookie.
“Thanks.” I stuffed half of it in my mouth while contemplating how to begin. After chewing and swallowing, I finally said, “Malcolm is trying to blackmail me.”
They all knew about Malcolm and why I’d left my job but none of them—no one at all—had any idea that I’d stripped to pay my way through college.
“What could you have possibly done that’s worthy of blackmail? None of us are going to think less of you, whatever it is,” Leo soothed. “We’ve known you forever, Clara. You’re safe with us. Just get it out and let us help you.”
I took a deep breath. In, then out.
Time to rip off the Band-Aid.
“I never planned to ever tell anyone about this. And I dread telling Nick. He’s not like anyone else I’ve ever dated—he’s the real deal. I mean, Chris wasn’t a real boyfriend. He was just a hot mistake I kept making over and over until he got sick of me and took off. Like, brooding is hot, but it isn’t a real personality trait. I was so stupid about him, about all the men I dated when I really think about it. For years, I chose men I could never truly be happy with because?—”
“Because deep down, you never let go of Nick, of loving him and holding on to the possibility of being with him again someday,” Sadie deduced. “If you were with someone easily dumpable, you could move on fast.”
It felt odd to sit here having a normal conversation with my sisters and friends while my entire life crumbled around me piece by piece.
“You can tell us anything. You’ve lived your life, Clara. You took it by the reins and look how far you’ve come.” Sadie took my hand with an encouraging smile. “Nothing can be that bad, right?”
“She has a point,” Leo chimed in. “It’s better to regret what you did rather than what you were too afraid to try. Unless it’s murder or something, of course.” He pointed at me. “Don’t kill people.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, Leo, I guess I won’t run off and murder Malcolm.” I cracked a joke to try to get some of this tension out of my chest.
“Attagirl.” He clinked his lemonade glass to mine.
“So, what’s the big secret?” Sadie prodded. “Let us help you.”
“Um, so, remember when I told you I was a waitress? Back in Nashville, I mean. When I was in college.”
“Yeah, at the Sizzler,” Sadie confirmed with a nod.
I closed my eyes and rolled my lips between my teeth, then blew out a big breath. “I was not a waitress at the Sizzler, Sadie.” Step one of the confession was done. One more step to go.
“Ohhhhh snap!” Molly’s eyes got huge. “What did you do? Is that what he’s coming after you with?”
“You can’t make the kind of money I made waiting tables at the Sizzler,” I added pointedly.
Was I hoping they’d just guess?
“No, you cannot,” Willa confirmed. “I’ve been waiting tables for years and I can’t afford to dress like you, have a car like yours, or a big ol’ house like yours...” Willa’s eyes went on a trip from my eyes to my toes then back up again. “Oh. Ohhh. Dude. Not gonna lie, I considered doing it a time or two after my divorce, but I was too shy. Being broke sucks so bad. Good for you. This explains the pole class you taught at Stripped, doesn’t it?”
My lips slid up into a half smile. She had figured it out.
For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to say the words out loud. I was a stripper.
“Wait, hold up. What are we all ohhing for?” Sadie questioned. “I don’t get it. Are you saying...?”
“She was a stripper, sugar plum,” Leo answered for me. “With all that T and A and those killer dance moves, well, it explains a lot. Law school is expensive and little miss Clara over there doesn’t have any student loans to speak of, do you, sweetie?”
I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “No, I do not.”
“Oh my lord. Why did I never think of doin’ that?” Sadie frowned. “If Momma blessed us with anything, it was her boobs. I could have cleaned the frick up! Hot stripper mom Sadie—think about that! I would have kicked ass at it. Okay, back to you. You did clean up, didn’t you? Willa said it—look at that huge house, the BMW, all those Louis Vuitton purses and fancy shoes. You minored in finance, right?”