Page 61 of Queen's Crusade

Shoulders slumped, I finally sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. Wondering how many times Esetta or one of her Blood had slept in this room. If she’d made love to Thierry on this bed before sending him to the Dauphine.

“You need to rest,” Rik murmured, shifting closer so he could rub my back.

“I know.” My eyes burned, hot and dry, my thoughts whirling in a jumbled mess. Too many questions tangled in my mind. Too heartsick. Too…

Angry.

I knew Esetta loved me. More than anything. More than her Blood. Her alpha. Her own life.

But I couldn’t reconcile her love against the horrors she’d knowingly sent her Blood to face.

She’d sent Lew to House Skye, and they’d put out his fucking eyes and chained him up like an animal. Even if she hadn’t known Leonie Delafosse was the Dauphine, she had to have known something similar might happen to Thierry. Maybe not the depths of the evilness she’d do to him, but the risk was there.

She’d sent him. And he’d fucking gone. Without question.

Rik kissed my shoulder. “So would I.”

“I wouldn’t send you in the first place.”

Braced on his elbow beside me, he rubbed his palm up and down my back in long, slow, soothing strokes. “I went into Tanza’s circle to save Ezra. To buy you time to deal with Keisha. I’d do it again, even if you couldn’t get me out. Even if Guillaume had to behead me to prevent that darkness from touching you.”

My chest ached, too tight for me to breathe. I felt like I was drowning. “That was a fucking awful thing I made you do.”

“You never made me do a single fucking thing.”

“I just… I can’t…” My voice cracked with strain. I balled my hands into fists, even though my nails dug into my palms. The sharp pricks in my flesh sharpened my anger. Pitchforks and razors. Shining steel and brutal edges.

But that only made me think of my Templar knight.

All the horrible things he’d been forced to do by his former queen.

Would I someday do the very same thing? Would I be willing to send him into a nest and execute everyone inside?

If one of my Blood were trapped inside… Or Gina. Frank. Winston. Magnum. Kevin. Xochitl. Mayte or Gwen or Carys.

My family.

Absolutely.

:And I would fucking go without question.: Guillaume’s bond vibrated with the sound of cold steel drawn from its sheath. :I would gallop back to you covered in the blood of your enemies and rejoice that I had completed your task. I would kneel at your feet and offer you my bloody sword and beg you to send me again.:

:Send me next.: Itztli’s bond rang with the thunderous bay of his black dog. :Your obsidian blade hungers. Let me flay them alive and make their skins dance for you.:

The General of the All Seeing, Never Sleeping roared with the might of three-thousand sphinxes. :The legion awaits your command, Your Majesty. We’re ready to feast and revel in blood like the goddess who made us.:

Xin’s wolf howled, not the mournful moon song but sharp, excited yips. Calling the pack in for the kill. :If I find the Dauphine at the end of this reeking trail of filth, I will rip her throat out with my teeth and crack her ribcage open so I can bring her heart back to you.:

Goddess. I surged up to my feet and paced back and forth beside the bed. “You’re all missing the fucking point.”

“You point. We go.” Rik didn’t get up or reach for me. As if he knew I’d punch him for no fucking reason. “That’s what we do.”

Torn between guilt and pride, horror and glee, anger and all-consuming love. I wanted to rage at my mother and accuse her of failing to protect the ones she should have saved at all cost, while simultaneously doing the exact same thing.

Sending one of my Blood on a trail that might very well lead to his death. Or something much, much worse. My stomach heaved at the thought of Xin swinging from his ankles, vomiting out his insides and howling in agony.

:She’s welcome to try.: His wolf bared his teeth, a snarl rumbling from his chest. :Though my queen will resurrect me so I can hunt her again and again until she’s fucking dead.:

A storm rose inside me, roiling with emotions, tearing me apart. I wanted to slash and burn. Punch and kick. Wail and scream and rage. Keep my Blood safe. While simultaneously demanding justice. Rage at my mother for putting us all in danger—while stewing with impatience for my chance to strike the Dauphine at the first clue to her location.