Page 83 of Rough Fantasy

The gentle smile she gave her took her back to her first horrible week of college, being the underaged geek and tormented more than she had been in high school. Jillian had been the calm in the storm of pain.

“Well, first, does Zeke know you love Rory?”

She shrugged. “I haven’t even decided for sure if I love him.”

Jillian chuckled. “Oh, honey you do. I just never thought you would because he seems kind of abrasive.”

“He is, but there are a lot of things in his past, and, well…he’s a sweetheart.”

“Rory McAllister? The man you just left. The one who knows how to kill people with his bare hands? Hell, both of them do, but Zeke hides it better.”

“I know,” she sighed and smiled. “Rory made me French toast.”

Jillian studied her for a moment before saying, “I want you to think about saying what you want from them.”

“I don’t want to cause problems here and seriously, I’m not sure I could do this long term. There is so much emotion there…I’m overwhelmed.”

Jillian reached across the table and gripped Maura’s hands in hers. “You deserve whatever it is you want. Don’t ever settle for less because you think you haven’t earned it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t think I know just how exhausted you were when you got here? You’ve been trying to keep everything going and it isn’t for you. You have to tell Conner no every now and then, and you need to tell the guys what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” she said.

“When you figure out what you want you demand it from them. If they aren’t men enough to give it to you, tell them to fuck each other and you go find someone who is. Because honey, you deserve to be happy.”

She opened her mouth, but Jillian stopped her. “No, don’t tell me you’re happy. I know you are. Hell, I don’t think I have ever seen you laugh as much as you have in the small amount of time I’ve seen you while you’ve been here.”

“So, why can’t you just let it be?”

“I will. I just want you to remember that if this doesn’t continue when you return to the mainland, then the problem isn’t you, it’s them. Remember that.”

“Okay.”

“Now, I need chocolate because this book has been a pain in the ass.”

“That’s sounds fabulous.”

But as she followed Jillian to the store, Maura wondered if she would ever have the nerve to ask the guys for what she wanted, or if she would be left alone again?

She shoved those thoughts aside and concentrated on buying some chocolate because if there was one thing she knew, it was that chocolate would make her feel a little better…even if it was only for a little while.

thirty-six

“How do you like your steak cooked?” Rory asked Maura.

She said nothing, just kept looking out over the water from their lanai. He shared a look with Zee. She’d been quiet since she returned from her trip with Jillian. It wasn’t that it was alarming but she seemed a little more subdued.

“Maura?” he asked again.

She shook herself and looked over at him. It took a second for her eyes to focus on him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“How do you like your steak?”

“Oh,” she said then smiled. “Medium rare. I like a little blood.”

He threw the steaks on the grill trying very hard not to freak out. The openness he had grown accustomed to over the last week was no longer there.