Page 10 of A is for Ahool

Maybe, he was tired. I studied the set of his shoulders and the stiffness of his movements. Or he was regretting his offer to help me.

“If you’ve changed your mind about today, I would understand,” I said.

His head snapped toward me. “No. Not at all.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry if I seem distracted this morning.” He turned back to his food preparation. “I have a lot on my mind.”

I barely held back from prying. Why did I feel so compelled to comfort him? We barely knew each other. Was it just because he had helped me?

Male classmates and colleagues had helped me in the past, but I had never felt drawn to them. Politely grateful, but not… My mind stuttered over the word ‘attracted’. My eyes widened and I looked down at my lap.

Was I attracted to Muram? How? Why? He was not even human. If attraction to a man was haram, how forbidden would my desire for him be?

As my eyes slowly wandered to him again, I had to admit that I was attracted. He had protected me from the boar, kept me safe and fed, and asked nothing from me for his kindness. There were no long, grasping stares at my body. He had been nothing but polite and a perfect gentleman. So, of course, I was the one being improper.

I averted my gaze, my cheeks warming at the realization. I could not deny the attraction I felt, but I also could not act on it. I had to remember my work and my responsibilities. I could not let myself be distracted. Even though my hands itched to hold his again and feel his strong arms wrapped around me.

“Anissa?”

I jerked my head up to see Muram crouching beside me. He offered me a cup of water and a bowl of savory rice porridge. I took it gratefully, shivering as his fingertips dragged over the backs of my hands. I could still feel him watching me as I began to eat.

After our breakfast, Muram brought me a bowl and pitcher of water to bathe. He carefully covered the nest entrance with a woven curtain and ducked outside. I washed quickly, moving my clothes aside rather than shedding them completely. As much as I trusted Muram, he was not allowed to see anything but my face and hands. He was not a family member…or my husband.

My face flamed at the thought. I twisted my hair into a neat bun and rewrapped my hijab. Whether we found the flower today or not, I would need to return to the village for fresh clothes. I crossed the nest to push back the curtain.

Muram knelt on a branch directly across from the nest entrance. He looked up when I appeared and gave me a small smile.

“Ready?” he asked.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was high in the trees. I looked down and swallowed hard. The ground was a dizzying distance away.

“Yes, but how…?” I looked at Muram helplessly.

His eyes crinkled. “If you would allow me.”

I blinked in surprise as he quickly closed the distance between us. He gripped the top of the doorway with one hand, his feet braced on the edge of the nest. It put his chest a hairsbreadth from my nose. I snapped my head back to look up at him. He was already staring down at me with an unreadable look.

“May I help you down?” he murmured. He offered his free hand.

I inhaled shakily. The warm, musky scent of him filled my nose and I shivered. Is that what all men smelled like? Earthy and vaguely sweet. I wanted to bury my face in it.

“Anissa,” Muram said softly.

I shook my head. “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”

“May I hold you?” he asked.

My mind stuttered. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

“To carry you down,” he added.

Right. Right, of course. I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

His free arm settled around my waist and pulled me close. Thick soft fur caressed the side of my face, and I gave in to the urge to press my nose to the base of his throat. I thought I heard a low rumble, but then I was airborne. I gasped and wrapped my arms around Muram’s broad torso.

It was the first time I had ever embraced a man outside my family. Something about the feel of him in my arms made me think of sultry nights and a sky full of stars.