Page 90 of Sizzle
“Jamie was the first woman I ever loved,” says Mom, her voice tight with emotion.
“Sorry, what?” I can’t have heard that right. Mom laughs softly.
“We were both in our mid-thirties when we met,” she said. “I thought the world was ending, falling for her even though your dad and I had been married for nearly a decade by then.”
“I’m sorry, wait. Does dad know about this?” It’s the first question I can think of and I’m not proud of how high my voice gets when I ask.
“Of course he does,” says Mom. “He’s my best friend and has been since about the day I met him. He understood what I was feeling long before I was able to make sense of it.”
“And he was… okay with it?”
“You could say that.” Mom laughs. “It wasn’t the same as what you’ve told me about Elliot and your Joelle. Your father and Jamie had affection for each other but it was friendly love, not what I feel and felt for them.”
I don’t know what to say to any of that. It’s like I’ve accidentally stepped into an alternate universe.
“My dear Alex. My point is, love is love. I brought you up to know that for yourself, and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become.” She sniffles a little at that but mercifully doesn’t start crying. I couldn’t handle her tears, too, right now. “But loving someone, loving two someones—it doesn’t excuse us from having to make choices. If these two are the ones for you, then you have choices to make. If they’re not… well, that’s a different set of choices, isn’t it? But you’re the only one who can decide one way or the other.”
It’s several minutes before I can speak again.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I know you do, Alex. I love you too. You’ll come for dinner soon?”
“Soon,” I tell her, brushing moisture out of my eyes. “I promise.”
“I’ll let you go, then,” she says. “If things go the way I think they will, plan to bring your friends over for dinner one night soon. I’d like to be introduced properly.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say. “Mom… you said Jamie was the first woman...” I can’t bring myself to say the rest, and Mom just laughs and laughs.
“Honey, I think that’s something you kids would call ‘TMI’ so I’m going to hang up now. Bye, son.”
“Bye, Mom.”
TMI indeed.
It takes me an extra beat to shove aside the weirdest parts of the last ten minutes, so I pour another cup of coffee and take it back to the table, checking my phone just in case either one of them texted.
No such luck.
But that’s what Mom was saying about choices, right? So far, I’ve chosen to let Joelle blow me off. I’ve chosen to let Elliot keep running. And I keep choosing to put my heart in their hands with nothing to say about what they do once they have it.
Part of that I can’t control. I fell in love with Joelle just as hard as I fell for Elliot all those years ago. They have my heart, both of them. I still don’t understand how it’s possible, but it’s not some half-and-half split.
Maybe God just gave you a heart big enough for two.
I smile, because that’s my mother’s voice in my head. But maybe, just maybe, she’s not wrong.
And maybe it’s not the end of the world. I can see that, maybe I can convince Joelle and Elliot of it, too. At least enough that they’ll give us a real shot. It looks like I’ve made my choice. They’re it for me.
The constant weight that’s been pressing down on my chest the last couple of days lifts and suddenly I can breathe again. Yeah, they’re it for me. Nothing in the world has ever felt more right in my world than that thought, except the three of us, being together. Now I just have to get Joelle and Elliot to see it, too.
I’m dressed and halfway to the front door, keys in hand when the doorbell rings. I don’t recognize the car out front, so I check the peephole before yanking open the door to find my ex-fiancée shivering on my doorstep.
“Diana? What the hell are you doing here?”
“Hi Alex,” she says, brushing her white-blonde bangs out of her eyes. “How are you?”
“Right this minute, I’m confused,” I say before manners kick in. “I’m good. How are you?”