Page 125 of Left on Read
“Are you feeling overwhelmed?”
I nodded.
“Do you have your earbuds on you?”
I nodded again.
“How about you listen to some music until Zane comes to get you. Stay outside and maybe find a comfy place to sit?”
“Are you telling me to touch grass?” I arched my eyebrow at him playfully.
“Pretty much.” He grinned. “But in a helpful way, not a bitchy one. Do you think that will help?”
“Yeah. As much as I want to keep talking to you, talking is just going to make me madder because I’m gonna keep riling myself up.” I sank to the ground, my back still against the tree. This was as good as any place to park it. “Okay. I’m touching grass.”
“That’s good.” Hayden smiled. “Now, your earbuds?”
I dug them out of my pocket and flipped open the case to show him.
“Awesome. I want you to call me back if you don’t feel better after the second song, okay? We’ll figure something else out if this doesn’t work.”
I nodded, the last of my anger fading, leaving apathy and numbness in its wake.
This was worse than anger because it made me feel empty and helpless and like the world was falling down around my ears and there was nothing I could do to break free.
“Now, can you take a deep breath? Good.” he coached. “Hold it. A little longer. Now slowly let it out. You’re doing good, babe. One more time. Deep breath in, hold it. And let it out. Better?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. I did feel better. Still apathetic and numb, but not in a ‘the world is ending’ way and more in a ‘this sucks donkey balls, so I’m gonna hide’ way.
“That’s good. Will you let me know when you guys are about thirty minutes from home?”
“Sure, but why?”
“I’m going to DoorDash some dinner to your place. The last thing any of you need to worry about is cooking or picking up food right now. Should I order something for Gray too? I know he’s the cook in the group, but isn’t Caleb on nights this week? He needs a break too.”
My chest tightened, but this time with good feels and love. Hayden always made comments about how he wasn’t nurturing and wasn’t good at taking care of people, but he was one of the kindest and most compassionate people I’d ever known.
He took care of me in his own ways, and he never hesitated to extend that care to our friends. And they were our friends. Hayden was one of us. I just had to wait until he realized that.
“Thanks, baby. That would be amazing. I’m sure Zane will convince Gray to come over when we finally get our asses out of here. He shouldn’t be alone right now. This is going to hit him harder than the rest of us because he’s actually been to the point where he’s had to live in his car, and he’s terrified of that happening again.”
“I can’t imagine that. It’s so scary to think about.”
“Yeah. He stayed with us on and off last year, but he’s a stubborn bastard and refused to let us put him up until he got back on his feet. It really sucks because we’re the ones who got him this job, so it’s like we helped, but it’s our fault he’s in the position now.”
“I know it feels like that, but you didn’t do anything wrong,” Hayden said, his tone soft but firm. “You helped your friend the best you could. That’s it. You’re not responsible for what your boss did. And it’s not your fault Gray couldn’t accept help when he needed it. I know he doesn’t blame you for any of this. You’re his family.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I know you’re right. I’m just catastrophizing again. My head is just so messy, and I can’t help it.”
“You’re still processing, babe. Give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. This is a lot, and you’ve been so stressed and overworked. It’s going to take time for everything to settle.”
“Yeah. You’re right.”
“Now, how about you put on some music and try to let your mind work through it?”
“Yeah. I can do that.” I closed, then flipped open the earbuds case I still held. “Thanks, baby. I’d be a mess right now if you hadn’t talked me down.”
He smiled. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Now, what are you going to do until Zane comes to get you?”