Page 27 of Left on Read
“Lonely?” Quinn asked softly.
I nodded, my eyes on the floor. “I’m happy for Zane. I am. I love Noah like a brother, and I haven’t seen this version of Zane in so long, but it’s been a rough adjustment.”
“What do you mean, this version of him?” Quinn asked.
“Zane wasn’t always like this. He’s always been super protective and guarded, but he used to smile and laugh and make jokes and play silly pranks. The Zane you know isn’t the same one I grew up with.”
Gray and Nick stared at me with wide eyes. I didn’t blame them. It was hard to picture my brother as the kid he once was.
“But shit changed, and he changed. He had to become this person to protect himself. But now that he has Noah, he’s finally able to relax and let someone take care of him for once.” I looked away, unable to handle their scrutiny. “I know it makes me a shitty brother, but I’m jealous that I wasn’t enough. That he had to become something he isn’t because of me.”
“What does that mean?” Nick asked when I paused to take a breath.
“Nothing. I’m just being stupid.”
“It’s not stupid,” Gray said softly. “I was the same way with my brother. I tried so hard to help him be the person I knew was in there, the kid I practically raised, but I wasn’t the person he needed. I wish I could have done more for him, but he has West, and as much as it sucks, that’s who he needs.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, still not looking at anyone. “I know. It’s just…”
“You’re a twin,” Quinn said, his voice full of understanding.
I nodded again. “We’ve been a unit our entire lives. He’s literally my other half, and it’s always been us against the world. Especially after we lost Mom and Dad. It’s just been really hard to not be his other half anymore. And I get it,” I said quickly. “I’m not jealous of Noah. I’m just jealous that Zane has what I want. Ugh. I’m the worst brother ever.”
“You’re not.” Gray nudged my foot with his.
“Your feelings are valid,” Quinn added. “I know it’s not nearly the same, but my dad and I were like that. We were a team, just us against the world, like you said. Then he met my stepdad, and suddenly I wasn’t his only priority anymore. I had to share him with not only my stepdad but also my stepbrothers. I was jealous that I lost that relationship with him, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t happy for him or I didn’t like who he’d chosen to share his life with. Change is hard, and it’s especially tough when it tosses your entire life on its head.”
“That’s pretty close to what I feel.” I shot him a small smile. “Thanks. That makes me feel like less of an asshole.”
“I don’t think you’re capable of being an asshole.” Nick scrubbed his knuckles over my hair.
I batted his hand away, smiling wider at not only his antics but at the weight that had been lifted off my shoulders.
I’d felt so guilty for being jealous, felt like the worst bother in the world. Knowing other people had gone through something similar was comforting.
“So, who’s this new friend?” Gray asked, motioning to the phone still clutched in my hand.
“Oh, just a guy I bought some tools off of.”
“The profile worked?!” Nick shoved my shoulder hard enough to rock me in my seat. “Hello? When were you going to tell me my brilliance paid off?”
“Sorry.” I grinned at him. “Your brilliance paid off.”
“Tools?” Quinn frowned in confusion.
“Profile?” Gray looked between us.
“I’ll explain everything when he’s helicoptering his dick for tips,” Nick waved off their questions with a wink.
A laugh bubbled out of my chest. “I don’t helicopter my dick on stage.”
“You should. Give ’em a little somethin’ somethin’ extra to think about when they’re at home”—he waggled his eyebrows—“and reliving the evening.”
“Before we get lost in a convo about the finer points of dick swinging, how about we circle back to your new friend,” Quinn suggested.
“Right!” Nick turned his attention back to me. “You were saying my brilliance paid off.”
The lights flickered, which meant that the next set was starting in less than a minute. That also meant Zane would be coming off stage soon.