Page 45 of Left on Read
“I think a lot of people don’t realize how much teasing from your family can hurt a kid,” he said thoughtfully, his hand still on my thigh. “I get that families tease each other, but there’s a point where it feels like bullying. Like everyone is ganging up on you and making you feel like shit over something you can’t control or something you can’t change.”
“That’s exactly how it felt. It wouldn’t have been so bad if everyone got the same treatment, but it was only ever directed at me.”
“That’s not right. No kid deserves that. Are you close with your family?”
“Sort of. I don’t really have much of a relationship with my brother or my middle sister, but that’s mostly because they’re too busy for me. My youngest sister and I are a bit closer, but we don’t really talk or anything.”
“And your parents?”
I shrugged and looked down at my hands. “We do holidays together, but when you’re the youngest, and the unwanted one, you kind of get forgotten.”
River slipped his hand into mind and gave it a gentle squeeze.
I tried not to read into the move. River was a tactile person by nature. I was the one who’d been taught to believe that any sort of physical touch had to have an ulterior motivation. That was my issue, not his.
“How was work?” I asked, needing to change the subject before I dumped any more of my family trauma on him.
“Not bad. Not great.” He made a face but didn’t let go of my hand. “It’s a tough time of year. People are struggling, so the tips aren’t as good as they are in the summer when everyone’s on vacation and in party mode.”
“Do you get paid by the club or just through tips?”
“Mostly tips. Our boss gives us a per diem for every shift to help when things are slow, but the rest of our money comes for tips.”
“How did you get into stripping, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“It was a complete accident.” He chuckled. “We needed a side gig, and Crimson was the only place that called us back after we applied. We interviewed to be bouncers, but our old bosses saw we had dance experience, so they offered us positions as strippers. It was either say yes or not be able to pay our rent, so we said yes.”
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah. We wouldn’t still be there if we didn’t. But it’s not the actual job we like.”
“How do you mean?”
“Our best friends work there too, so it’s our escape from reality. The money is nice, and the job is fun, but it’s not the reason we still do it.” He squeezed my hand, then let go so he could turn into a paid lot downtown.
“Is it weird?” I asked as he got a ticket from the machine at the entrance to the lot. “Dancing like that.”
“You mean taking my clothes off and shaking my junk for money?” He shot me a sly grin.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat as that mental picture invaded my thoughts.
“It’s not not weird.” He drove down the rows of spots, searching for a free one. “It feels good to have people cheer and tip you, but it’s all superficial. They do it because they like how we look, not because of anything important. And that’s fine. We provide an escape, just like any other performer.”
“I get anxiety just thinking about being on stage fully clothed. I can’t imagine having people stare at me naked.” I shuddered.
He pulled into a parking spot, expertly squeezing into the small space. “We don’t actually get naked. Full nudity isn’t allowed. We keep some sort of briefs or jocks on.”
“What about touching? Is that allowed?” I asked as we climbed out of the car.
“Only during private dances or when we bring people on stage. But even then, the rules are strict, and sexual touching is illegal, so that’s always off the table.”
“I’m sorry if I’m being nosey. I’ve never gone to a strip club. Didn’t even know there are male ones in town.”
“You’re fine. It’s an unusual job. I’m used to questions.” He pointed to the right. “We’re going that way.”
I fell into step beside him.
“The thing a lot of people don’t understand is that it’s a job. I go, I dance, I get paid, I come home. Yeah, I have fun because my friends are there and I love to dance, but it’s not a sexual thing for me. I don’t get off on the validation or the attention. It’s a nice ego boost, but sex is the last thing on my mind when I’m doing a private dance or when I have someone on stage.”