Page 54 of Saving Stella
His fingers pushed a strand of hair away from her face. “I’m sorry if I made you think that I couldn’t stand you. The truth is, I’m mad at myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I let myself want you. Because no matter what I do, I can’t get you out of my mind.”
He wanted me this whole time?
“I thought being rude to you would push you away. I was right, but I could see I was hurting you unnecessarily. I told myself it didn’t matter as long as you were safe.”
The sincerity in his green eyes was unmistakable. He truly looked remorseful.
“Cliff …”
“I can’t be here, Stella.”
“You can’t?”
“I mean, here. In Vegas.”
“Because you live in New York,” she stated.
“Yes. But it’s not just that.” Gently, he lifted her up and placed her back in the passenger seat. “Remember when I told you about how I was a pro MMA fighter?”
“Yes.” It was what they had been chatting about right before he shut down again. “What about it?”
“Well … I wasn’t just a fighter. I was the champ. Fought in arenas around the country to defend my title. My last one was right here in Vegas, six years ago. But something happened. A scandal broke out.”
She wasn’t a sports or fighting fan, so she wouldn’t have kept up with the news, even if it was local. “I’m sorry, I don’t recall hearing or reading anything about you.”
“You probably don’t frequent The Strip,” he said. “But they had these giant posters of me and my opponent.”
“I don’t understand. What happened? Did you retire?”
“Not quite.” He took a deep breath. “This fight was huge, odds-wise, and in my favor. So, if my opponent won, it would be a big payout for anyone who bet against me.”
She was scared to ask him the next question on her mind, but she had to know.
“And did he win?”
“Yes.” The shame that crossed his face was unmistakable. “And I lost on purpose.”
“No.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “For the money?”
“I wish,” he guffawed. “It was for a woman. Someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, but who ended up betraying me anyway ….”
As Cliff continued the story, Stella listened intently. Her fingers curled into her palms, nails biting into her skin when he got to the part where his ex-fiancée revealed her treachery.
Stella rarely cursed in her life; she tried to avoid it as it would deeply disappoint her parents. But she supposed there were times when it was warranted, so she allowed herself the indulgence, just this once.
That bitch.
“… and since then, I haven’t stepped foot back here. I couldn’t really, not while the gaming board had their eyes on me.” He swallowed audibly, his Adams apple bobbing up and down his throat. “I know it’s silly. It’s not your fault you live here but?—”
“Shh … it’s okay.” She laid a land on his arm. “I’m not going to judge you. What you went through was incredibly traumatic.” It stung that he disliked where she lived, but she understood.
“It’s not just about this place, but …” He sighed. “I can’t live here, and you said you could never live anywhere else. It doesn’t feel right if I let things go too far between us, knowing this would just be sex. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t use you like that, treat you like you were some girl I picked up at a bar or a club and toss away once we couldn’t make things work. Yes, Charley and Devon would kill me, but you deserve better than that, Stella.”
It took her a few seconds to digest his words.