Page 10 of Love Hazard
August
Was it wrong to be excited after seeing a sad, patheticGarfield slipper and a half-asleep girl yelling at me?
Probably.
Maybe that meant you’d hit rock bottom. Regardless, I wasliterally smiling all morning when I went into the living room and saw Momsleeping on the couch. I grabbed the red and blue quilt, pulled it up to herneck, and kissed her forehead—just to make sure.
God, it sucked to even think that.
To make sure.
What? That she wasn’t cold?
My good mood left until I looked back at the lawn.
“Mmmm.” Mom stirred. “You talkedwith Hazel this morning. Were you yelling?”
I smirked. “Pretty sure she did all the yelling, Mom.”
Her laugh had always been one of my favorite things abouther. It was always too loud, boisterous to the point that when we went to themovies, people stared at her, and I would sink into the seat like I was a partof it. But now? I wished it was like that again and didn’t sound so weak andfrail.
“August.” Her lips pressed together like she was gainingenergy from not speaking before she opened her mouth again. “Yelling doesn’talways mean fighting. If you evoked a response in her, maybe that’s a goodthing. God knows I would do anything in this world to see you happy and withsomeone before…”
“No.” I rushed to her side. “Before what? Aliens come?Zombies? Before In-N-Out takes notice? Nope, not happening. Just relax, you’retired. I’ll deal with her. It’s just some friendly, um…banter.”
“Exactly how you were born.” Coughing ended the argument asshe turned on her side and went back to sleep.
For the rest of the night, I stared up at the ceiling.
What would have happened if I’d grabbed Hazel by the waistback then and told her how pretty I thought she was despite my anger that shedidn’t realize it?
The way she stared at me was all venom.
Ironic.
The way I stared back at her was all antidote.
But she never saw it that way because she never saw herselfhow others should see her—the way her family saw her.
As precious.
Something to fight for. Someone to protect. Someone to also annoy, because there was nothing better than someone whofought for something without sitting down. I wanted that for my future.
I jolted awake and rubbed my hands down my face. “Nope, no.Nope. Not thinking about family. I’m young, so young. Ha, ha, nightmares. IsMom smoking weed and suddenly getting everyone in the house high and delirious,thinking all the thoughts?” Voice weak and raspy, I lay back down and turnedonto my side. Her window was right there. The light was on.
I shook my head. “What could she possibly do to make memad?”
I hated myself a bit for turning onto my side and staringback at her illuminated window across the yard, wondering if she would crawl upthat tree or lie in bed.
What was she doing?
Was she the same Hazel I remembered? She seemed stronger,angrier. And I liked it more because a weak Hazel made me want to hold her. Astrong Hazel made me want to fight for her, and I wanted to fight more than Iwanted to hold because that meant she was strong.
And I needed someone strong.
Because every time my mom coughed, I felt weak.
Every time I heard her laugh, a part of my laugh died a bit.