Page 22 of Sing Your Secrets
“What am I going to say?” Dad says, his face pulling in concern.
“That I can come back to Lorren Family Construction anytime I want because the door is always open for me.” Forcing myself to face him, I lock onto his dark eyes. “It’s the smart thing to do—”
“Is it?”
“Isn’t it? It’s what you always used to say,” I mumble as I pick up the empty bottle, craving a swig, but set it back down when I realize I already drained it. This is the reason I don’t call Dad every time I want to give up on my dream. He’s the final push I’d need to jump right into a life I don’t want.
Dad drains his bottle and then sits silently. For a moment, it’s just my nieces shrieking and hollering at the top of their lungs. We listen to them argue about which area of the yard should be home base and safe in their game of tag. Finally, Dad speaks.
“We got a couple of calls from creditors on your student loans last month.”
My stomach twists and gurgles. “What?”
“Did you forget who co-signed those loans? I’m the next contact and you haven’t been answering the calls, apparently. Your deferment is up and you’re late on payments.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. “I thought the deferment was good for another—”
“That hardship deferment is only applicable if you had finished school, Miles.”
I swallow and take deep breaths, trying to control the nausea. Whenever I have to talk about money, I feel the bile in my stomach start to bubble up. “I’m sorry. I’ll call them first thing tomorrow and clear it up.”
“With what money? You just said you couldn’t afford to live on your own.” He squints his eyes. “I took care of the next six months. My gift to you. That should buy you some time to figure out your next move.”
I squint my eyes at him. “Dad. No. I don’t—”
“Miles, it’s my credit on the line too. So,I took care of it. But promise me you’ll come to me when you need help. Hiding this shit will tear a man’s soul apart. Believe me,” he says and lets out a low whistle. “I had much worse than student loan debt when I was your age.”
It’s probably a bad time to mention I’m up to my ears in credit card debt too. All my demos were produced with an Amex that no sane lender should’ve given me. I was just so sure my big break would come in time.
“I’m going to pay you back,” I choke out.
“I know you will. It’s okay.”
“It’s not, Dad.” I plant my fist against my forehead. “It’s not okay. I just thought I would’ve had something to show for all this work by now.”
Dad stares at me again and this time he waits patiently until I meet his gaze. It’s the same look he’d give me when I was growing up and he caught me, Junior, and Lucas in a lie about throwing the football in the house. Breaking the window was the lesser offense. It was lying that really grinded his gears. “Are you still happy doing this, Miles?”
Honestly? I don’t know.“It’s the only thing I envisioned for my life. I still love to sing, I just need the success part to hurry up and get here. It only takes one record deal to turn everything around.”
Dad points across the yard to his granddaughters squawking and giggling as they chase each other around the swing set and treehouse combination that he built with Lucas, wooden board by wooden board. “You’ll see one day. There is more than one definition of success in life. Happiness is a big part of success. I think you should spend some time thinking about that.”
“About what?”
“If you’re happy.”
I blink at him and swallow the lump in my throat. “Are you?” I ask looking around the yard. “Is all this enough?”
A confident smile takes over his face. “I’m happy. I’m fulfilled.” Raising one brow at me, he adds, “Not because of what I do for a living, but because of who I do it for. I’m proud I’m the kind of dad that my sons can come to if they need something…and I can actually help. I didn’t know what I was working so hard for until I met your mother. Even more so when she had Junior. I realized my dreams were my family’s dreams. What I need, is for you guys to have what you need. One day you’re going to see what’ll fulfill you isn’t in fame or success. You want my advice?”
“Sure.”
“Stay here. Settle down. Find a stable job, even if it’s not with Lorren Family Construction. Start a family. Find a good girl who loves you for you. Even ask your brothers—it’s the best feeling in the world. Your vision will change, I promise you. This life will make a whole lot more sense. I’m due for some more grandbabies anyway.”
I snort. “You just got another one.”
Dad grumbles under his breath. “Yeah, Junior’s boy is a mama’s boy. That baby won’t let anyone hold him. Screams bloody murder every time I’m in a one-foot radius. I have to wait until he’s old enough to bribe to really make my mark as Papa.”
I shake my head. Junior is a walking replica of my dad. Junior favors Dad the most in appearance. They talk the same, eat the same, and even walk the same. “Well, you’ll have to make do with what you have because no woman is lining up for this broke joke.”