Page 44 of Whistleblower
“Linc, Lance, and Cricket are a little different. For lack of a better explanation, they are my children. I collected them as teenagers, all from bad situations. I thought maybe PALADIN could protect them where their own families failed. Linc was the youngest—I recruited him at sixteen. Cricket was barely any older, and Linc found Lance around the same time.” She smiles as her eyes shift. “They're the family I never let myself have. I worry about them, love them, and would die for them. But I don't want any more of them. I robbed them of their youth. From now on, recruits need to be adults who understand what they are giving up. PALADIN has to figure out a way to stabilize—we’re low in numbers and overworked. That’s where Callen stepped in.”
“Callen’s…a good guy.”
Vesper raises a brow. “Are you two–”
“Oh, no.” She laughs as I shake my head aggressively. “No, no. Callen is… I think the first person to care about what will happen to me in a long time. That’s all. Plus, we have the military in common, so it’s easy to talk to him.”
“You served?”
“My dad. Delta Force—twenty years. I was a dependent.”
“He must be impressed you’re working with the FBI now,” Vesper says, taking a sip from her cup and leaning back into my office sofa. She crosses her legs.
“He passed. Three years ago. Heart failure,” I add quickly so I don’t have to explain that he wasn’t killed in combat.
“Oh, Eden. You’ve been through a lot.”
“No more than you guys.”
She teeters her head. “We chose this life. And my dad is alive, actually.” A peculiar expression crosses her face, like pain mixed with comfort. “I still visit him on occasion. He’s blind now, but he can sense when I’m in the room.”
I stare at the wall above Vesper’s head, getting lost in a memory. My dad used to say the same. Toward the end, when he was so weak he could barely lift his head, he said he could sense when I was near. I used to bring my work into his bedroom when he was sleeping, just to keep him company. He said his dreams would change when I was close—to something more pleasant.
“Are you okay?” Vesper asks.
“Hm? Oh, yes. I’m fine.” I flash her a half-baked smile as I take another sip of my latte. I realize we’ve been talking for a while because the hot drink has cooled to warm.
“Callen said you’ve had a rough year. He said everything with Empress was a mess. How are you doing?”
I almost tell her I’m fine, but I decide to try honesty instead. “How much do you know about what Empress really did?”
She ducks her head. “Enough to know you’re a hero.”
“No one back home sees it that way. It’s still odd to me that I did the right thing, yet I’m so hated for it. It was to the point that companies were too afraid to give me a job. Why does doing the right thing make people fear you so much?”
“Ignorance often shows up as fear,” Vesper wisely adds.
“I think the most difficult part of the whole ordeal is not being able to tell my side of the story. I wasn’t trying to be self-righteous, and I didn’t want to see Empress fall. But what was I supposed to do? Turn a blind eye? If I would’ve done nothing, when I had the power to stop it, then I’d have blood on my hands. I hate being seen as some sort of monster when I was only trying to protect people—”
I stop mid-sentence as I taste the hypocrisy on my lips. People have been treating me the same way I’ve been treating Linc. Scared of what I don’t understand. If Linc has the power to stop bad things from happening… Who am I to judge the methods? My dad took lives and I never questioned that. He got his orders from the military. Linc gets his orders from Vesper and now, the FBI. Different handlers, but isn’t the war the same? Good versus evil. Right versus wrong.
I eye the book that’s still on my desk.
I never got a chance to thank Linc for War and Peace. I was distracted when we kissed, and we seemed to keep missing each other—or avoiding each other—ever since. Still, I keep the book on my desk like a souvenir.
I should thank him… Now. Or, insert whatever other thinly-veiled excuse I need to go and speak to him. Of course I want a second kiss. A third. A hundred more. I need to tell him.
When I hastily rise, Vesper looks at me, concerned.
“I’m sorry,” I explain. “Do you mind if we cut this short? I just remembered…”
“Of course, no problem,” she replies.
“Um… Is Linc in today?”
Her neat, dark brows raise for just a moment before she neutralizes her expression. “I believe so. I passed Callen on the way to your office and he said he sent Linc to the doctor—his hand is bothering him.”
“Okay.” I nod and head to the door, already feeling the butterflies in my stomach and the declaration I’ve prepared myself to make. Linc…I can do this. I’ll stop running and be brave enough to want you.