Page 64 of Fractured Mates
“Fine, but next time, maybe consider telling me what you’re doing,” I say, following her to the back bedroom. “We have the ability to mind-speak for a reason.”
She shrugs. “Never been a fan of it.”
My hands wrap around her waist, pulling her tight against my chest as we keep walking. “A little murder doesn’t scare you, but having me in your head isn’t ideal?”
Even though I keep my tone light, she still stiffens within my grip. “Something like that.”
Sophie pulls away, and I know I’ve said something to upset her, but I have no clue what. It occurs to me that her abandonment issues aren’t the only things I’m going to have to contend with.
My mate had a fucked-up adolescence, but I won’t stop fighting for her. Not now and not even as the decades pass. I’ll be there to remind her how amazing she is every day, for the rest of our lives, even when she doesn’t want to hear it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sophie
Out of all the shit I’ve been through in my life, the unknown is probably what scares me the most. I try to shove my worries down into the shadows of my mind, but the more shit that keeps piling up, the harder that becomes.
Kyler is perfect. I’ve already acknowledged that. He wanted me and didn’t stop pursuing me just because I’m a little crazy. Hell, maybe more than a little. He didn’t judge me for having killed my fated mate. He hasn’t tried to hold me back, even if he doesn’t always agree with my choices. More than that, he’s fought alongside me when this has nothing to do with him.
The bond I sense pulsing between us is as strong and sure as I’m certain he is. I want to hold tight to the warmth that connection offers me. I want to go all in. I’ve even said the words, that I give myself to Kyler freely, and meant them.
And yet…I don’t understand this bond or how we can be mates connected like this. I don’t understand why he’s here with me, and I’m terrified that once he realizes how damaged I really am that he’s going to run for the hills.
Even with a fated mate connection, I’ve seen that pure determination is enough to break through the haze of the warm and fuzzies the fates want us to feel. Kyler could do the same. He could realize that I’m nothing like his first mate, that I can’t compare to what an amazing shifter I’m sure she was.
When he does, I know he’ll run.
You don’t know anything, my wolf says. Not when it comes to this. Kyler has given us no reason to doubt him. You are fearing things that haven’t even happened, and by doing so, you’re only harming yourself. Don’t ruin this because you’re scared.
But I am scared, I plead with her. I’m fucking terrified.
I’m mentally exhausted and want to sleep, but I can’t even close my eyes because all I see when I do is Kyler’s back and him walking away from me.
I didn’t ask for this second chance. I didn’t want to have a bond or to feel anchored to someone who could either be my saving grace or destroy me so completely.
I didn’t want any of this! I shout in my own head.
My chest pounds, and silent tears fall from my eyes. If I weren’t so afraid of waking Kyler, my body would be shaking. Every breath I take burns through my lungs and up my throat.
I can’t even stand the thought of mind-speaking with Kyler because that’s just another way I can get attached to him. Another tether tying me to him that I fear he’ll one day cut away.
So, instead, you’ll push him away and lose him on your own terms? my wolf says sharply. Sounds like the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever heard. We are on the cusp of having everything we could need. A pack is waiting with open arms for us back in East Texas. There’s a man sleeping beside you who would die to protect you. We’re potentially hours from having the closure on our past that we’ve needed for years. I’ve stood by and let you choose the wrong path because it’s what you needed, but I’m telling you right now that I won’t stand by while you push away what I know is going to be the best thing to ever happen to us.
The shittiest part is that I know she’s right, but I can’t seem to help myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want better. I don’t want to run any longer. Yet…I don’t know how to believe that the rug won’t be pulled out from under me.
Nobody can, not entirely. We don’t have guarantees in this life, my wolf adds. Kyler could be taken from us tomorrow. Whether by his choice or someone else’s. That doesn’t mean we should stop enjoying what we have right now. We’ve been hurt, abandoned, and betrayed in all the worst ways. I understand why you’re scared, but it’s time to put on your big girl panties and fucking live, because I’m done running. We take risks with our life all the time. It’s time to take one with our heart. For me and for you. We need this.
She’s right. I know it with every fiber of my being. There’s just so much fear.
Still, her words and feelings matter. What my wolf wants and says matter. So, I try again. I close my eyes and fight for control of what my mind shows me. I fight to see Kyler smiling at me, to see us in East Texas, to know that there’s a pack who would die for us, and we would do the same for them, because pack is home. Pack is family.
Just because my blood turned their backs on me doesn’t mean I’m forsaken.
While saying the words eases the agony in my chest, I know believing them will take time. I just needed this moment to allow myself to truly feel the grief I’ve held on to since I was a teenager.
Maybe now that I’ve faced it, admitted that it’s there, I can finally and truly let go of the weight I’ve been carrying around.
It’s going to take patience and grace, my wolf says. Two things I have no doubt our new mate has.