Page 76 of Never Say Never

"No."

Paul's face fell. "Yeah, I figured you would say that," he muttered.

I reached for him as he walked away, but my hand fell. There was so much about Paul that I still didn't know, so much that he needed to explain. Until then, I had to keep my distance. I had called him on a whim, relying on that feeling of safety and security that had blanketed me whenever we were together, but I also knew that he couldn't be trusted. Maybe he had an explanation for everything, a reason for the many questions I had that remained unanswered. But until I understood, I had to keep him away from me.

I'd been paranoid since Dawn had died. Was that why I couldn't trust him? Was Paul really a good guy, and I was just punishing him because of my own past? I hated the thought of that. It was a feeling of uncertainty that made me feel crazy. My hands shook, my chest tightening. He didn’t understand, one of the reasons I couldn’t stop was because of Dawn. If only someone had saved her, had put in the hours, had sacrificed everything, she would still be here. If only I had done what I was supposed to do that day, she would be safe. The better parent would still be alive. I sucked in a sharp breath, trying to force myself to calm down.

"York?"

Paul was in my face the next minute, my hands in his as he gazed at me. I stared at him.

"Where did you go?" he asked. "Are you okay? You're shaking."

I tried to pull away, but he refused to let me go. "I'm fine," I whispered. "Paul, stop. Let go of me, people are watching."

"I don't give a fuck!" he growled. "Come here. Just shut up and come here."

Paul tugged me into his arms and I was wrapped in warmth. He held me tightly, his breath feathering against my neck as he gripped me so hard it hurt. I didn't push him away, didn't make it stop. Just for a minute, I allowed myself to feel that old fear, that old paranoia.

And for just a minute, I allowed myself to feel safe in Paul's arms.

I pulled out my phone to check on the girls. They had been on my mind all day.

Paul: You two need anything?

Navy: Ice cream and hugs

Nyra: Can you come over?

Nyra: Pls

Their lack of emojis scared me. Both girls were so shaken up that morning, and rightfully so. I’d be there with them if their idiot father didn’t demand I come to work.

Paul: I’ll do my best. If I can't make it, don’t worry, I’m going to watch over both of you.

Paul: I’ll have ice cream delivered.

Navy: And daddy?

Paul: Of course. I’m watching him now.

I snuck a quick photo of York and sent it to the girls. They both hearted it.

Nyra: You like dad?

Navy: Like a lot a lot?

I looked over at the man who became my whole obsession in what felt like a single night. He was pouring over files, his brows furrowed as he continued to work. I know shock had to be settling in, but my boss, being the hardass he was, continued pushing through it all.

Paul: Yeah. Is that okay with you two?

They’d asked me if we were boyfriends while at the hospital and I’d said yes. I wasn’t too sure if York had ever corrected it. The girls never said anything, and they still texted me all the time. There were multiple random pictures of dogs or their latest routine on my phone.

Navy: Yeah you’re cool or whatever

Nyra: Yes i wish u would come over more

Me too, kiddos.