Page 77 of Uncharted Desires

He bit his bottom lip, and Kat’s eyes were immediately drawn to it. “No, that was true.”

“And you’re not taking the acting gig? I misheard that, right?”

He closed his eyes for a moment. “No . . . that’s all true, but listen, Kat—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “Two days . . . we’re back in civilization for two days and you’ve lied to me and cut me out of a major life decision. And I know I’m nothing to you and I’m not your girlfriend, but I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt.”

West tried to speak, but Kat stopped him again.

“You don’t owe me any explanation right now. We had sex. Mind-altering, life-changing sex, but we never put stipulations on what that meant. We weren’t together back then, and we’re not together now. I just . . . I guess I’m just disappointed. I thought you would be better.”

“I want to be better. I am better.”

“West, you lied to me. You said you went to the trailer alone that night. I had finally trusted you. I believed that I was enough.” Her calm façade began to crack.

West sat up in his chair, his hand reaching out to grab hers and then pulling back. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to know what an asshole I was. I was embarrassed because I’ve done some shitty things over the years. But I want to be more. You make me want to show the world there is more to me. And babe, you are not nothing to me, you . . . you are my everything.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “If that were true you would have told me the truth.”

West’s eyes bore into hers, and Kat had to stop herself from looking away. “I’m sorry, I’m still figuring this out. I’m not used to this committed relationship thing, but I know I want it with you because the thought of not waking up to you every morning sounds like my own personal hell.”

Kat sat in stunned silence. It was the first time West had wanted to define what they were.

“Last night was our first night apart in weeks, and I didn’t sleep at all,” he continued. “You’re so close. I just want to hold you, and yet you seem so far away from me.”

Kat’s mind was reeling. What could she say? That she loved him, but she didn’t trust him to always love her? That he would one day break her heart and she wasn’t sure she could let him do it? That deep down she was still that girl standing in the dark hallway, and she was afraid he was still that guy who’d left her for another?

West grabbed her hand. “Can you say something?”

Kat raised her gaze to look at him. His perfect face looked tired from lack of sleep. “What are you asking me?”

“Move in with me when we get back to L.A.”

“And what will I do?”

He shrugged. “Whatever you want. Write music, start your music program for kids.”

“So, live off of you?”

“I want to take care of you.”

She dropped his hand. “But I don’t need to be taken care of.”

“Okay, then don’t move in with me. We can take it slower, and just try dating like normal people.” West sank to his knees in front of her, grabbing both of her hands, and Kat felt a solitary tear slip down her cheek at the gesture. Why had he lied? She thought he’d been open and honest with her, and now she couldn’t help but wonder what else he was lying about.

“I write a lot of songs about love and women, but I realize now how hollow they’ve been because I’ve never actually experienced the emotion.”

Kat looked at their hands intertwined in her lap, willing him not to say it. She would have no defenses if he did.

“That is . . . until you, sweetheart. I love you, and I want to be with you. You showed me that I am more than living in my father’s shadow, more than the playboy musician, and that I can still write my own music. You make me want to be more in this world, to fight for those who need it, and to be a voice for those who don’t have one. Kat, you own me.”

Well, fuck.

What was she supposed to say to that? Her heart swelled with emotion, but she couldn’t let it take her over. He lied to her. She had asked him point-blank if he’d been alone that night, and even though he hadn’t said no, he had shaken his head in the “no” fashion. He had evaded her.

She felt another tear slide down her cheek, followed by another. How many times would this man make her cry? They weren’t even together, and she’d lost count.

His hand wiped the tear off her face. “I wish there was something I could do to make you believe me.” His hand came around the back of her neck, and he touched his forehead to hers. Kat inhaled his familiar scent, imprinting the feel of him forever in her mind. Just like this.